


Into the Unknown

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Corporal Punishment, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Series, Pre-Slash, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 26,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai goes looking for his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Kai …”

Kai glances at Arthur across the longhouse table, in surprise. It’s usually he who has to break the silence when, like today, his little brother’s indulging in one of his enigmatic sulks.

“Yes, Arthur?” 

Arthur doesn’t look up from polishing his sword, but says, in his most annoying, wheedling tone: “Would you do me a favour?”

Well, any conversation’s better than none. “What is it?”

“Please, Kai – swap duties with me tomorrow morning … let me muck out the horses, and you chop the wood, and take it in for the night?”

More words than Arthur’s said all day … Kai looks sidelong at Arthur. “Maybe … but why?”

He thinks he knows, but asks, just to keep Arthur talking.

Arthur bites his lip and doesn’t answer.

“It’s Morwenna, isn’t it?” Kai smirks. “You’re trying to avoid her.”

Arthur huffs out a breath. “Well, the woodshed’s right near her family’s hut, so she always sees me when I go in there –” 

“And traps you, where you can’t escape!” Kai widens his eyes, and makes a snatching motion with his fingers.

“It’s not funny!” Arthur flings one of his cleaning rags at Kai. “She won’t leave me alone, not for one minute.”

“She likes you … what’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know what Morwenna likes about me, but if I did, I’d get rid of it.”

Kai cocks an eyebrow. “Could be painful.”

Arthur’s mouth drops open. “That’s disgusting!”

Kai snorts. Arthur is such a prude! But then, he’s young: just a boy, in many ways.

“Anyway, you should be flattered. Morwenna could have anyone she wanted.”

“Including you, I suppose.” Arthur glares at an imagined blemish on his cross-guard, spits on his remaining cleaning cloth, and rubs furiously.

“Why not?”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Arthur’s face reddens. “Especially when she comes up behind me and grabs me by the –” 

“She can grab anything of mine, any time she likes.” Kai sticks his tongue out.

“Well then, tomorrow, if she must grab somebody, she can grab you,” Arthur says grumpily. “I’ll stay safe in the stables.”

Kai pretends to consider. “Swap duties, without telling the old man? He won’t like it.”

“Don’t talk about Llud like that. He isn’t old. You’re just showing off.”

Kai shrugs. “Didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Well, why should Llud care, as long as everything gets done?” 

Kai lets his brow furrow.

“Anyway, he doesn’t have to find out … does he?” Arthur looks up at him from beneath his hair.

Kai laughs. “I suppose not. But just to make things interesting …” He sweeps up a pair of dice from further down the table, and rubs them between his hands. “Above six, we swap – below, we keep our duties as assigned. Agreed?”

“Alright then.” Arthur bites his lip.

Kai blows on the dice, and rolls … two sixes. 

Arthur breathes a sigh of relief. “Deal, then?” 

He holds out one hand; Kai takes it. “Deal.”

Arthur keeps hold of Kai, and looks into his eyes. “Thank you.”

Kai laughs, and cuffs him lightly on the cheek. “You know I’ll always do anything you want.” 

~~

Arthur’s been feeling out of sorts these last few weeks. Kai’s been going off with the older boys, and leaving him behind – sometimes all day. He’d even begun to wonder whether Kai was still his friend.

But now, the cloud has lifted. ‘I’ll always do anything you want’ Kai said last night – and Arthur sings lustily as he shovels out the stables, happy as a lark. Soon, he’ll be off to weapons practice with Drystan. He plans to show the grizzled old warrior a new sword-trick that he’s invented.

But before Arthur has time to finish, arms enfold him, and a soft body presses up against him from behind. His heart thuds. He wasn’t expecting her to find him here: Morwenna, of the mocking eyes and wandering hands. 

She whispers in his ear, “Morning, my little throstle!”

She smells of onions. Her hair tickles his cheek. He tries to shrug out of her grip, but when he does, she grabs his arse instead.

“Ow! Let go!” 

“Come on Arthur – what’s wrong with you?”

It’s a question he’s heard all too often, both from others, and the voice of his own doubts and fears. 

“There’s nothing wrong with me – just go away, and let me do my work!”

“Fine!” Morwenna tosses lush dark curls. “But that was your last chance. I’ll tell my brother you –”

“No! Please don’t tell him anything!”

Morwenna’s brother, Neb, a fearsome young warrior, leads the crowd Kai’s been hanging around with. Arthur can’t bear the thought of them all talking about him … probably laughing at him. 

“What is it you want? What must I do?”

“Oh, don’t put yourself out for me.” Morwenna shrugs. “All I wanted was a kiss.”

That shouldn’t be too hard, should it? Arthur puts down his spade, and pulls his shoulders back. “Alright then.”

“Oh, that’s lovely, that is! ‘Alright then’! That’s how you woo a young lady, is it?”

“I don’t know!” Arthur clenches his fists. “Just tell me what to do.”

She seems to take pity on him. “Come here then. Put your arms around my waist.”

Arthur does as he’s told.

“Then …” She presses her mouth to his, and slips her tongue between his lips.

It’s the first time he’s been kissed like this; in truth, it isn’t altogether horrible. He even feels that thing happening to him – like when he’s lying in his bed, thinking about Kai: delicious hunger, and a stiffening of his treacherous prick.

He doesn’t want to feel this – not for her. It’s wrong. He pushes her away. “There. Isn’t that enough?”

“It’ll do … for now.” Morwenna glances at him where she shouldn’t, and smirks.

Arthur covers himself; he feels his face go red.

Morwenna just laughs, and flounces out.

Arthur wipes a hand over his mouth. He’s hot all over: sweating like a horse. Hardly knowing what he’s about, he finishes mucking out the stables, and – as quickly as he can – makes off to weapons practice.

~~


	2. Chapter 2

“That was a fine morning’s work you did today, Lad.” 

Kai’s heart jolts. He knows that voice – that look – and what’s about to come, though he has no idea what he’s done wrong.

“Don’t you understand how valuable those horses are?”

“Horses?” Kai frowns. “What’s happened? What about them?”

“Don't give me that innocent look.” His father’s face hardens still more. “Of course you wouldn’t understand. How could you?” He spits on the rushes.

What Llud means is: ‘How could you? You’re a Saxon!’

Smarting, Kai looks at the floor. “I know what horses are worth.”

“Then how could you be so stupid?” 

“Please, just tell me what I did wrong.”

“You don’t even remember …” Llud shakes his head. “Caddoc found our three best geldings wandering near the woods. You must have left the stable door open when you finished cleaning out one of the loose-boxes this morning.”

It’s a good job Kai’s head is lowered; Llud can’t have seen the look of denial cross his face, followed by realisation. If he had any sense, he’d tell Llud that it was Arthur’s neglect, not his – though he can scarce believe it – but he hates it more than anything when Arthur feels Llud’s wrath.

So, instead, he mutters, “Sorry, Llud.”

“Sorry won’t save us from our enemies. What if the daft beasts had hurt themselves, or run away? Our defences, and our lives, depend upon those horses, Boy.”

Llud goes to the hanging closet in the corner, where he keeps the dreaded strap. It’s thick, and supple, and one lick is enough to bring tears to your eyes, and Kai knows he’ll be getting more than one … a lot more. The offence was heinous. How could Arthur do this to him? 

As Llud unhooks the strap, he asks – in the spirit of fairness – as he always does: “Is there any reason I shouldn't punish you?”

Kai swallows hard, and quickly shakes his head. 

“Well? Is there? Speak up!” 

Kai raises his chin, and says, as clearly as his hoarse voice will allow, “None, that I can think of.” 

“You brought this on yourself. You have to be taught.” 

“Yes, Llud.” 

“Well. You know what to do.” 

Biting his lip, Kai pushes down his breeches, bends over, and grasps one of the bedposts. Then he looks up. “Llud, the door …”

Llud scoffs. “Worried about your dignity? You should have thought of that before. Dignity’s in short supply when your enemies catch you with your breeches down.”

“Please …”

With a look of irritation, Llud goes to bar the door.

Kai can feel his thighs tremble as he awaits his punishment. He tries to hold still. Things will only go harder if Llud sees him showing fear. 

“Well then.” Llud stands to Kai’s right, the strap held firmly in his good hand.

This is what doing your brother a favour gets you.

Kai grips the post, and clenches hard, waiting for the first blow to land on his naked backside. He hears Llud take a deep breath – fuck, this is really going to hurt: but he has no idea, and even though he’s ready, Kai can’t help yelping when the first blow lands.

The second blow falls hard upon the first; the third – lower down, taking his breath away. It hurts so much, he reaches back a hand, to shield himself from the next blow.

Llud slaps his hand away. Through gritted teeth, he says, “Both hands on the post.”

Kai makes a small sound in his throat; sweat breaks out on his brow. He does as he’s told.

The fourth stroke falls harder still, just above the first two; Kai bites his tongue, drawing blood. After that, he can’t even count the blows, though there’s rhythm to it: agonising pain, then an eternity quaking in fear of the next blow, yet never quite enough time to prepare – and then more pain.

He doesn’t even realize it’s over till Llud pats him on the shoulder – then he wants to shrug his father’s hand away. He doesn’t dare. His eyes are sore from holding back the tears. His backside is on fire. Llud’s never hit as hard as this before.

Kai drags a hand across his face, then pulls his breeches up, wincing as the wool scratches his sore skin. He can’t even look at Llud. “May I go now?”

Before Llud can answer, there’s a rattling at the door, and Arthur calls out: “Let me in! What’s going on?”

Kai pulls himself upright as Llud unbars the door, and Arthur, flushes and smiling, pushes his way in.

Llud puts a fatherly hand on Arthur’s back. “Good training session – need I ask?” 

“The best! That new trick with the sword I showed Drystan – well, I took him by surprise alright. He was …” Then Arthur sees Kai, standing stiff and silent. “You look like you lost a bag of silver, and found a turd.”

Kai wants to say, ‘Thanks to you’ – but Llud is there … he won't give Arthur away. He edges past them both, and through the door.

~~

Then Arthur sees the dreaded leather strap. His face blanches.

Llud sees his look. “Don’t worry – it’s not for you.”

No wonder Kai seemed so upset.

“Yes, I'm afraid I had to use that. I didn’t want to, but we can't afford to risk losing _one_ horse, let alone three. Our lives depend –”

“Lose a horse?” Arthur looks up sharply. “Why? What happened?”

As he asks the question, Arthur gets a rotten sinking feeling. Morwenna put him into such a state, he must have left the stable door unbarred. He is to blame – not Kai. 

Now, Kai must really hate him: his nuisance of a little brother, always getting him into trouble.

“… so I had no choice but to punish him.” His unheeded explanation finished, Llud puts a plate of food in front of Arthur. “Come on, then. Aren’t you hungry?”

Arthur just stares at his plate of bread and cheese. He should admit his fault. But then he's sure to get a beating too. Must both of them be leathered, for the same transgression? 

And it’s beside the point, but Llud hits him harder than Kai – probably because he’s going to be a leader, and must learn discipline. In any case, it’s usually Kai who shrugs it off, while Arthur is still smarting, and wiping tears from his eyes.

Still, it wasn’t fair that Kai got beaten for him. He should go after him; thank him for not telling Llud on him, and beg forgiveness.

Arthur hangs up his sword-belt, and goes towards the door, but Llud shuts it firmly. 

“No … don’t go running after him. Let him sulk for a bit. Have your meal. You can go, when he's had time to think things over.”

His stomach churning, Arthur does as he’s told. But each dry mouthful sticks in his throat, and nearly chokes him. 

~~


	3. Chapter 3

Kai glances over his shoulder. Why hasn’t Arthur come running after him? Surely Llud must have told him what occurred? Kai waits a moment by the palisade, looking towards the longhouse door, expecting to see Arthur coming out – but it stays adamantly closed. 

A bitter little thought comes to his mind: he shouldn’t be surprised … Arthur’s not his real brother, after all.

Angry with everything and everyone, Kai bangs a fist against the palisade, then lopes out of the gates; runs towards the woods – anywhere, so long as it’s away from people who don’t care. He finds himself down by the river near their secret hideaway, and scrambles through the ivy-covered entrance.

Once inside the earthy sanctuary, he throws himself upon the ground, and curls up on his side. A sob rises in his chest; he chokes it back. But why bother pretending to be brave? There’s no one here to see: not even Arthur. So Kai surrenders to his misery, letting his tears dampen the autumn leaves.

~~

When, at last, the meal is over, Arthur hurries out to go and look for Kai, but he can’t find his big brother anywhere in the village. Kai must have retreated to their hide-out by the river. Arthur runs towards the gate. 

That’s when Drystan waylays him. There’s weapons needing maintenance, and Arthur needs to learn to keep his weapons sharp and true.

“But Drystan – I have to go and –”

“No ‘buts’, Lad! You had your fun on the practice ground, and there’s more to being a warrior than the fighting, and the tricks.”

With a heavy heart, Arthur follows Drystan to the armoury, and spends the afternoon among sharp edges. None of them could prick him like his conscience is right now.

~~

Tired out from weeping, Kai drags the back of his hand across his nose, and rolls onto his front. He pushes down his breeches once again, and looks over his shoulder at the marks left by the strap – raw, angry stripes; a few lines of red blisters, and already there’s some bruising. He tentatively touches his left buttock – where it always hurts the most. He sniffs. No riding for some days.

It’s so unfair.

He’s always tried hard not to incur such punishment, but sometimes … well, you can’t always be good. There was that time he took four of the cakes that Lenni’s mother had left cooling on the longhouse table. Only four … and it was hours till supper, and the cakes were so moist and golden, and the smell …! Arthur ate two of them, and got a stern warning, but the theft earned Kai four stripes. 

And when he knocked out two of Conyn’s teeth, that time they fought through the middle of the village, over some insult … that time, he got six, and they were hard ones. 

The worst – until today – was when he and Arthur snuck out of the palisade, at dusk, last Samhain, and spent the night huddled together in this very hideaway, scaring each other half to death with tales of ghosts and witches. When they came home next morning, Llud was at his wits’ end – couldn’t track them in the dark. That time, both of them were beaten, though Kai’s punishment was worse, because he was the older one, and should know better. 

He’s so tired of being the older one, who should know better. He doesn’t know better; he never has. Arthur is always the one who thinks things through.

So how could Arthur have been so stupid as to leave the stable door unbarred? 

The answer is – he couldn’t. Arthur never makes that kind of mistake – not without Kai leading him to it.

Kai’s world turns upside down. Arthur’s been in a mood with him of late, though Kai doesn’t know why. He’s never sure what’s going on behind that cool countenance. Could Arthur have planned this? Made the swap, then left the stable door open by design, to get him into trouble? 

And then come in, all cheerful, and bushy-tailed, as if nothing was wrong?

Surely not … but then, if not, where is Arthur now? Why hasn’t he come looking? 

What little light creeps in through the ivy starts to fade; the birds give up their last songs of the day. He should be getting home. But then he’ll have to face them both again.

It isn’t something you ever get used to – the humiliation of being punished with the strap. But why should he be ashamed? He’s done no wrong. He should be proud, to have taken a beating in his brother’s place. Llud hits him harder than he’d ever hit Arthur.

And why wouldn’t he? After all, he’s a Saxon, and Llud isn’t even his real father. Neither is he Arthur’s real father, but Arthur was here first: the son of Llud’s dear friend and comrade. Arthur was born to lead their people; everyone knows Arthur is Llud’s favourite. 

And Arthur’s a fucking careless bastard for getting him into trouble, and Llud’s a big heartless bastard for beating him – but they are all the family he’s got. 

What’s to be done, when those you love have turned against you? 

Kai shivers in the deepening dusk, but doesn’t have the heart to light a fire.

Surely his real father wouldn’t have beaten him? But his real father’s dead, Kai knows that much for sure. He saw him lying there: the blood, bright on his throat. But might he have an uncle, or a cousin, still alive? Folks who don’t care more about horses than they care about their sons … 

A knot forms in the pit of Kai’s stomach at the thought, because he knows … he’s going to do it. He _has_ to do it. He’s going to go and seek out his own people. Yes … he’s going to run away.

That will show Llud. And Arthur. Not that either of them will care. They probably won’t even notice that he’s gone, until the next time they need somebody to do their chores, or somebody to blame. 

But the nearest Saxon settlement in a day away on horseback, and even if his arse were not so sore, it would be suicide to ride into a Saxon village. So he’ll have to walk there. He will need warm clothing and food; he’ll have to return home to get them. And if Llud catches him stealing their supplies, he’ll get another beating.

Kai chews on his thumb. He must try to be clever about this: use his brains for a change.

~~


	4. Chapter 4

At last! Arthur escapes the armoury, and heads towards the gate once more.

“Did you find Kai?” Llud calls out from the storage hut. 

“No! He wasn’t in the village. I’m just going to –”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry. He’s most likely run off to that hide-out of yours, down by the river.” 

Arthur stops in his tracks.

Llud laughs. “Yes, I know all about that. I followed your tracks back to it, the day after your escapade, last Samhain. But I can’t let you go now – I need your help fixing the roof of this hut. Kai will be back when his belly starts to rumble – never fear!”

Arthur groans inwardly, but he’s not bold enough to openly defy his elders, so he does as he’s told. His guts churning, he wonders what Kai must be thinking, and how he’ll make it up to him. 

And so it goes until sundown, when Llud slaps him on the back. “Come on then! Time to eat!”

By now, Arthur can’t help dreading Kai’s return, almost as much as he yearns for it. He wishes he’d ignored both Llud and Drystan, and gone after him. He dawdles over his food, looking up at the slightest noise, but Kai does not appear. The door stays firmly shut.

When Arthur’s finished eating, it’s time to get the horses settled for the night.

~~

Kai squares his shoulders, and pushes through the longhouse door.

Llud glances up. “Dinner’s on the table. Tuck in – it’s getting cold. We’ve already eaten.”

As if what happened earlier meant nothing! And Llud still doesn’t know – Arthur hasn’t told him – who really let the horses out. 

Not wanting to arouse suspicion, Kai plays along. “So where is Arthur?”

“Stables.” 

Llud doesn’t even bother asking where he’s been …

Kai sits down gingerly, and eats. While Llud occupies himself with cleaning boots, Kai manages to sneak some food – a hunk of bread, a chicken leg, a piece of beef, an apple, and a few oatcakes – into a leather bag on the seat beside him.

Neither of them speaks.

Kai knows he shouldn’t have expected an apology – but still, he’s disappointed. One kind word … one look of regret, and he might have forgotten about his plan; just tried to put this behind him. 

But it seems that this is how it’s meant to be. The dice have come up snake-eyes. 

Holding his bag behind his back, Kai gets up, and – from the hook beside the door – he takes his warmest cloak, and shrugs into it.

“Going out?” This time, Llud doesn’t even look up from his task.

“Just thought I’d see if Arthur needs a hand.” Very quietly, Kai lifts his axe down, and slides it underneath his cloak.

“Alright then – but don’t be out too late, you two. I’m going to bed soon myself. Try not to wake me, when you come stomping in.”

Kai plans to do neither the waking, nor the stomping. Llud can sleep till Doomsday for all he cares. He bites his lip, looks around the longhouse for the last time, then swings out of the door. 

It’s dark; the gates are closed, and barred, and guarded, but there’s still that section in the palisade where he and Arthur loosened those two boards. Llud never did discover that escape route. Kai makes his way towards it, sticking near the huts along the way, where he’s less likely to be seen.

“Where are you going?”

Arthur’s voice, right in his ear, nearly makes Kai jump out of his skin. He pulls his cloak around him. “Never you mind.”

“Oh, Kai ... I’m so sorry about today. Morwenna caught me, and I got all flustered, and forgot to shut the stable door. I didn’t mean to, I swear. And then everyone kept giving me things to do, and stopping me from coming to explain – first Llud, then Drystan, then Llud again. Please forgive me.”

Kai studies Arthur’s face; he seems sincere. 

“And … I’m going to tell Llud it was me. Then he can beat me, too. I deserve it.”

Kai closes his eyes, and takes in a deep breath. Whatever Llud might think of him, at least his brother doesn’t hate him. “No … don’t do that.”

“I really think I ought to. Then you’ll be back in Llud’s good graces.”

“It doesn’t matter, anyway.” Kai shrugs. “I’m never going to see his craggy face again.”

“What?” Arthur’s eyes widen. “Don’t tell me he sent you away! He can’t –”

“Shhh! You’ll wake the whole village.” Kai tugs Arthur towards him. “No – he hasn’t sent me. But I’m leaving anyway.”

“No! You can’t,” Arthur says, low and urgent. “How can you? Why?”

“I don’t belong here.”

Arthur grips his arm as if he’ll never let him go. “Kai … please, don’t leave me!”

Kai almost falters in his purpose, but he heaves a sigh. “I must.”

Arthur’s hold slackens. “Is it because … you want to get away from me?”

“Of course not! Why would you think that?”

In a small voice, Arthur says, “You have other friends now.”

Kai’s heart hurts for him. “None like you, Arthur.”

“But where will you go?” Arthur pleads.

“I’m going to look for my own people.”

“The Saxons?” Arthur’s mouth drops open. “You’re going to the Saxons?”

“I’ve made my mind up, Arthur.”

“But you don’t know the way, you’ve never been there!”

“I’ll find them.”

“What about me? What will I do without you?”

“You don’t need me, Arthur. You’ll have a lot less trouble, when you’re the leader of your people, without a Saxon by your side.” 

“What nonsense!”

“You’ll be alright. You have Llud. He loves you better, anyway.”

“That’s utter tripe!”

“Well, that’s how it feels. You don’t know …” Kai touches his behind.

Arthur bites his lip. “Did he hit you _very_ hard?”

“Worst ever.” Kai sniffs. “As if he hated me. I think, perhaps, deep in his heart, he does.”

“How can you –”

“My people killed his wife and child. Perhaps, now I’m almost a man, he sees I’m just another Saxon … blames me for their deaths.”

“You’re no Saxon, Kai, and believe me, Llud loves us both the same. He’s just been so worried the last few days. I saw him counting the silver from this year’s trading, and shaking his head. I know he shouldn’t have taken it out on you – it should have been me – but if we’d lost the horses …”

“It doesn’t matter why.” Kai pats him on the arm. “I’m sorry, Arthur … I just … I need to find out if I have any family of my own. To know where I belong.”

Arthur’s face makes a miserable shape. “But we’re your family. You belong here, with us. With me.”

“You truly think that?” 

“Of course! Now get rid of that bag, forget this nonsense, and come home.”

Arthur’s face is determined; but this time he won’t get his way.

“If you’re right – if I truly belong here – then we’ll see each other again some day. That’s fate.”

“Fate!” Arthur shakes his head vigorously. “There’s no such thing. I’m not letting you go. I’ll tell Llud, and he’ll stop you.”

Kai steels himself. “You do that, and our friendship is broken.”

“But you’ll be killed! The Saxons –”

“They won’t harm me. I’m one of them, remember?”

Arthur drops his gaze. “Perhaps you are.” He turns his back.

Kai tugs on his arm and makes him turn around. “Arthur … don’t let us part like this.”

“You tried to sneak away without saying goodbye at all. And now, you’re leaving me for the Saxons. Next time we meet could be on the battlefield.” Arthur’s eyes glisten. “How should we part, do you think?”

“I don’t know.” Kai feels his own eyes prickle in response. “Just –” He pulls Arthur close. 

Arthur drops his head onto Kai’s shoulder, and says softly, “I love you, Big Brother.”

Kai’s heart clenches. “I love you too Arthur. This is … it’s just something I have to do.”

Arthur steps back, and offers Kai a solemn hand. Kai takes it.

“Come back, if you can.”

“If I can.” Kai nods, and turns away.

~~


	5. Chapter 5

As Kai presses the loose boards back into place, cutting himself off from everything and everyone he knows, the truth hits him like a galloping horse. He’s leaving home … 

Didn’t someone once tell him that you have to face your fears? 

He’s never been out in the woods at night, alone. Always, Arthur has been by his side. Even though he, Kai, is the older and the stronger, being with Arthur made him brave. He’d been the one telling Arthur not to be afraid. Now, he starts at every noise – every owl that hoots, and every small animal that rustles in the undergrowth. 

Why in the name of thunder did he leave home in the dead of night, instead of waiting till tomorrow morning? He doesn’t even know his way to the Saxons in daylight. The moon isn’t bright enough to light his way; he might end up going round in circles. 

The only sane course of action is to sleep in the hide-out; leave tomorrow, at first light. If only he’d slipped a bit more food into his bag … He’s brought enough for one day – two, at most. He could have eaten more at supper, but he was so angry with Llud, he wasn’t thinking. So much for using his brains!

At last, he pushes his way through the hide-out’s ivy-covered entrance. It’s pitch-black inside. He trips and falls, landing hard, with a stone digging into his left knee. It’s really nothing, but it brings a sob to his throat, because he’s all alone, with no one to help laugh it off. 

He crawls around the walls, feeling until he finds the niche where they keep their tinder box, scrapes some twigs into a pile, gets a little fire going, and squats beside it, rubbing his hands together, trying to get warm.

This is a fine mess he’s got himself into.

Kai stares into the fire.

He’ll need to be up early, and be on his way before anyone comes looking. And of course – whatever he might have let himself believe, when Llud took the dreaded strap down from its hook – someone will come to find him. 

He knows he hasn’t been completely fair. It’s not as if Llud’s different from any father in the village. All the other boys get beaten, now and again. But, fuck! His arse still hurts like hell.

He thinks back to his first night, after Llud brought him home: a shivering orphan. They fed him; made a bed for him in a warm spot; Arthur didn’t hesitate to offer some of his own clothes, though hardly any of them fit. 

It’s not too late … he could just gather up his things, sneak back into the village the same way he left, and Llud need never know. But now he’s taken leave of Arthur, with such speeches and pretensions, how can he go slinking back? Arthur would never let him forget it. 

No ... he must at least try to do what he set out to.

So at last, Kai wraps his cloak around him, and lies down, and tries to sleep. 

~~

Arthur lies on his back, staring into the darkness, feeling cold and numb. He can’t believe Kai’s gone. And all because of him! One foolish act has sent his best friend from his side.

But didn’t Kai say, only yesterday, ‘I’ll always do anything you want’? And didn’t he also say, ‘I love you too’? Just thinking of it robs Arthur of breath. 

And yet, Kai wouldn’t stay.

Watching him go, it was all Arthur could do to stop himself from waking Llud, to warn him Kai was leaving. But then Llud might have beaten him again. And then Kai’d never have forgiven either of them.

So Arthur spends a sleepless night, wishing on every magic thing of which he’s ever heard, that he could change the past; that Kai changes his mind; that no harm comes to him out in the wilds; that Kai never finds the Saxons, and that he comes home.

~~

The throbbing in Kai’s arse wakes him before the dawn chorus. At first, he looks around him in confusion. Then he groans. What has he done? 

He turns over and falls back to sleep, and dreams he finds his family, but they say they don’t have room for him, though their house is bigger than the long-hut. When he comes home to tell Arthur about it, Arthur just frowns, and asks, “Who are you?”

Kai wakes soaked in sweat, and lies still for a moment, paralysed with fear. 

‘Who are you?’ 

He shakes his head and banishes the dream, then he stretches, working out the kinks from a night spent with only a pile of leaves for a bed. His tongue cleaves to the roof of his mouth – but he didn’t bring anything to drink. Cursing himself once more for making rash decisions, he eats his apple, just for the juice. It tastes bitter, and the peel gets stuck between his teeth.

He sighs. Best get going then.

He collects his few possessions, crawls out of the cave, and takes in a deep breath of chill morning air. At least it’s a fine day: the kind of morning when he and Arthur love going for an early gallop, across fields bejewelled with dew … or used to. 

The thought that he will never do that again – that he might never see Arthur again – is like an arrow in his heart. And what about his horse? He didn’t even say goodbye to her ... He might never again sit on a horse’s back. If he goes to live among the Saxons, he might have to eat horseflesh ...

He stands on the bank above the hide-out, looking towards the village; straining his ears – but there’s no sound of hoof-beats. No one’s coming. He feels a stab of loneliness and disappointment. 

Well … there’s no point hanging around. 

He checks once more that he has everything – his food, his cloak, his axe – and with another heavy sigh, sets out. 

Llud taught him how to track, so Kai knows how to throw pursuers off his trail. He takes care not to break branches or twigs – on trees or on the ground; sometimes he back tracks; sometimes walks in circles, wades in brooks and streams against the current, and climbs out where he won’t leave any trace. He walks on hard surfaces wherever he can.

They’ll never find him; not unless they really want him back.

~~


	6. Chapter 6

Llud looks over at Kai’s empty bed, and grunts. “He’s up early – for a change! Getting his chores done before breakfast, I suppose.”

Arthur can’t meet Llud’s gaze. His heart feels like a stone within his chest.

“What’s up with you?”

Arthur gives a quick shake of his head. “I just … I didn’t sleep very well.”

“You need to get out in the open air – that always makes me feel better after a sleepless night.”

The day is clear and crisp; the sky is blue above him; birds sing merrily – as if there’s nothing wrong. Arthur just wishes that they’d shut their beaks. 

He sleep-walks through his chores, does Kai’s as well, and then goes in for breakfast.

“You two took your time.” Llud looks up from his bowl of porridge. “Oh … where’s Kai?”

Arthur shrugs.

“Well, have you seen him this morning?”

“I haven’t seen him since last night.”

“He found you in the stables, then?”

“I’d finished. We bumped into each other on the way.”

Llud pauses with a cup halfway to his lips, and looks intently at Arthur. “And he came to bed when you did?”

Arthur stirs his porridge with a concentration barely warranted by the task.

“Come on, Arthur! Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Llud frowns. “Something you can’t tell me?”

“I’m sworn to secrecy.” 

“By Kai?”

Arthur nods. 

Llud looks extremely vexed. “Well, nothing will get it out of you, if you swore an oath – I know that much. Do you know where he is?”

Arthur lifts his chin, and answers truthfully, “I don’t.”

“So … he’s run away, has he?”

Arthur makes no answer, but his face must tell Llud all he needs to know.

“Because I gave him a leathering?”

Arthur bites his lip, and nods.

Llud heaves a sigh. “I was a bit harsh yesterday. After all, none of the horses came to any harm. I was just so –”

“Llud, it was me.”

“What was?”

Arthur’s heart is racing, but he can’t hold back the truth any longer. “ _I_ left the stable door open, not Kai! It’s all my fault! Kai took the beating I should have had. And now he’s gone.” Arthur gets to his feet. “You ought to beat me, too.”

Llud snorts. “More important is to find Kai, and bring him home.”

“You won’t beat him again?”

“What? For being a loyal fool?” Llud shakes his head. “I’ll organise search parties. You go and check your hideout – he might just have decided to spend the night there.”

“Of course!” 

Arthur runs out, throws himself onto his horse’s back, and pounds down to the hide-out. 

“Kai? Are you in there?”

No reply.

Arthur tethers his horse, and scrambles down the bank into the cave. Kai’s been here … there’s the remnant of a campfire – almost cold. Arthur feels around the walls; their tinder box is gone from the niche where they keep it … used to keep it. 

Kai must have left at first light; now, the sun’s been up for hours. Kai’s long legs could have taken him many miles, and they won’t be able to follow him on horseback; they’d be sure to miss his tracks.

Arthur wants to set off after Kai, right now, on his own, without wasting precious time. But he’s brought no food or water with him. Besides, poor Llud would lose his mind if both of them went missing. So Arthur pounds back to the village, meaning to join one of the search parties. 

But something’s wrong. The place is in uproar – warriors moving briskly here and there: not gathering to search for Kai, but mustering to defend the village.

Arthur stops one burly fellow carrying an armful of spears. “Caradog – what’s going on?” 

“Geraint’s lot – him and his brother, Glenn. One of our hunting parties saw a war-band coming from their territory.” 

“Coming here? To attack us?”

“Looks that way.”

Arthur frowns. “Why are they raiding us? Aren’t they usually busy fighting each other?”

“Must have kissed and made up,” Caradog says grimly.

“We have enough to worry about with the Saxons.”

“Yeah … tell them that!” Caradog hurries off.

Half to himself, Arthur says, “One day, I will.”

He searches through the village, and at last finds Llud, leading some of the horses from the stables. 

“Arthur – thank the gods you’re back.”

“Llud – Kai wasn’t there. He must have gone. I don’t know what to do.”

“Never mind about him – get yourself inside.”

“But what about Kai? We can’t just leave him out there all alone!”

“We don’t have time to find him now. And he won’t thank us if there’s no village for him to come home to.”

“Well, what should I do? I want to help defend the village.”

Llud looks fondly at him. “Arthur … you’re twelve summers old. A puff of wind could carry you away. Your time will come for fighting – never fear. But I hope it’s not yet. Get the youngsters together in the longhouse, bar the door, and look after them. Keep them calm and quiet. And just in case – be ready with your sword.”

~~


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur presses his ear against the wall, trying to hear how the battle’s going. The other kids – most of them younger than he – huddle together in the sleeping chamber.

It’s driving Arthur quietly insane that Llud won’t let him fight; he’s beaten men twice his size. But deep down, he knows he’s fooling himself. Drystan and the others never really try to hurt him on the practice ground. 

His time to fight is sure to come; for now, he must do the duty he’s been assigned. So Arthur stands square in the doorway of the room where the children are hiding. 

“Don’t worry,” he tells them. “No one will get past me.” 

Gavyn, a boy about his own age who’s always following him and Kai around, comes lumbering over to stand with him and draws his knife. 

“I know I’m not much use, and they won’t let me have a proper sword, but I can try. If … you don’t mind. And if it goes bad – I’ll have your back, Arthur. I’ll do the best I can.”

Arthur nods, grateful, despite himself. “That’s all anyone can ask.” 

So they spend the long day, anxiously listening for anything that might tell them what’s going on outside, reassuring the others – something Gavyn’s better at than Arthur – and trying to keep them calm and quiet, until at last, the sounds of fighting cease.

A few minutes later, someone raps on the door. 

“Who’s there!” Gavyn demands, his knife held before him.

“It’s Llud. They’ve gone ... who is that?”

“Gavyn – he’s been helping.” Arthur sheathes his sword, and opens the door. “We won?”

“We both lost – as always.” Llud’s face is smeared with blood. “Two dead, four wounded. They lost more – that’s all.”

“Who did we lose?”

“Renfrew and Owen.”

Arthur knows it’s wrong of him, but he’s relieved that the two men who died aren’t ones whom he knew well. 

But Gavyn’s face goes pale. “Oh … that’s my …” He runs out.

“Poor lad.” Llud rubs a hand over his forehead. 

“Oh no … Owen was Gavyn’s father, wasn’t he?”

Llud nods.

“How awful.” Arthur heaves a sigh. “So can we look for Kai, now?”

Llud raises a hand as if to clip him round the ear, but settles for a sharp look. “Is that all you can think about?”

“No. I’m sorry for the men who died, but –”

“When the wounded have been seen to – not before.”

“But what if Glen and Geraint catch Kai in the open?”

Llud’s brow creases. “Well, I’d hope he’d have the sense to keep his head down if he saw a large party of armed men going past. And don’t for one minute imagine I’m not just as worried about him as you are! But a leader must think of the common good first – his family and his friends, second and third.”

“Of course, Llud.” Arthur drops his gaze. He doesn’t think he’s going to like being a leader, if it’s going to be this hard. 

~~

Tired and footsore, Kai hasn’t seen a living soul all day – unless you count the pies that mocked him with their chatter, or the rabbits he heard scamper through the brambles. He didn’t even have the heart to try to catch one, though his food is almost gone. 

Why hasn’t anyone come after him? 

But perhaps they tried … perhaps he was just too clever for them. They say there’s a first time for everything. Kai snorts, but there’s no humour in his laughter. 

As night falls, he lights a little fire beneath an overhang, among the roots of an old fallen tree. He makes the most of what food he’s got left: a crust, and a few scraps left on a chicken leg. His feet are cold and waterlogged from traipsing through streams, hiding his trail ... from no one.

How far he’ll have to go to find the nearest Saxon village, Kai has no idea. And he told Arthur, ‘I’ll find them’ with such confidence!

He huddles by the tiny blaze, and shivers, wondering what Arthur and Llud are doing now; most likely warming themselves before a blazing fire, drinking mead, and not even caring where he’s gone. Llud’s probably relieved the Saxon cuckoo that he raised has flown the nest.

Arthur will miss him for a day or two, then find someone his own age – one of his own people – to share his adventures. Already, Kai feels jealous of his imaginary replacement. Will they take good care of Arthur, as he would Llud’s have, if he’d stayed? If something happens to Arthur ...

Perhaps he should just give up this fool’s errand, and strike out for home. Even if he isn’t really wanted there, it’s all he’s got. Would he be greeted with sour faces? Another beating? If the latter … at least a part of him would be warm.

He hugs himself.

Tomorrow … he’ll make up his mind tomorrow.

Surely Arthur, at least, will want him back?

~~

By the time the wounded have been tended, and a pyre’s been built and set alight, it’s full dark. Arthur feels bad for Gavyn, so he stands next to him and his mother, watching the fire crackle and spark. He thinks about his own parents: his father killed in battle, and his mother, dead of the flux. He was too young to fully understand. But Gavyn will miss his father. 

It’s too late to search for Kai, so – after a decent interval – he goes inside; Llud comes with him and sets about cleaning his sword.

“You’ll make sure Gavyn and his mother don’t go hungry?” 

Llud looks up. “Of course. But it’s well thought of.”

“And you told the sentries to keep a look-out for Kai?”

“Teach your grandfather to suck eggs, why don’t you?” Llud lays aside his sword. “I don’t know why you’re so worried. Your brother can look after himself. He’s almost a man now.” Then he bangs his fist down. “Dammit! Why do we think beating our children teaches them anything but fear?”

Arthur lays a hand on Llud’s shoulder. “We’ll go out tomorrow, and we’ll find him – I’m sure of it.”

Llud puts his hand over Arthur’s.

~~


	8. Chapter 8

Kai doesn’t get much sleep, and when he wakes, still frozen to the core, his head feels like it’s housing Vulcan’s smithy. His bones ache, and his muscles feel so stiff … 

He stumbles from his miserable bed among the roots, down to a stream, and splashes icy water on his face. Scrabbling in his bag, he finds a crust of bread, and then a precious scrap of cheese that’s been there since at least four days ago. It’s a bit hard and mouldy, but it’s … cheese. Looking at it, saving it till last, he chews the bread first, but too soon, it’s gone – the cheese as well. Just half a mouthful.

This is no good; he’ll starve before he finds the Saxons, blast them! One thing is for sure: Arthur and Llud aren’t going hungry.

He wishes he were home.

Well, wishing won’t get him there.

Kai gets to his feet, picks up his bag, and looks around, trying to remember which way he came. He casts about, but nothing seems familiar, and yet everything does. Why did he have to cover his tracks so carefully? 

He finds what’s probably his trail, and follows it for a few miles. Along the way, he drinks from streams, and eats every blackberry he can find still on the briars, though they are hard and bitter.

Losing confidence in his choice, he tracks back to where he started from this morning, and sets out again, a different way. But this doesn’t look right either …

The bright sun mocks him, beaming cheerfully as if everything’s alright. 

A panic starts expanding in his chest. He’s lost … completely lost. His head feels full of knives. He turns this way and that, looking for something – anything he’s seen before. What if he can’t find his way? He might wander forever … He’s so tired and hungry, he can hardly think. His stomach hurts like hell. Probably the blackberries – or that mouldy cheese – 

He doubles over with a cramp, and there’s some nastiness. He’s never felt so wretched. 

Once he’s cleaned himself with leaves and grass, he sits for a while, shivering and feeling sorry for himself. 

Come on, Kai! You know your village lies not far from an estuary. All you need to do is strike out west, until you hit the coast. Then follow the cliffs round until you see something you know. 

But follow them north or south?

Worry about that when you get there.

Alright then. 

Kai pulls his cloak around him, takes his axe in hand, turns his face towards the sun, and sets out westward. 

~~

Arthur is up before the first cock crows. He runs to the gates and asks the sentry if there’s any news. The man shakes his head; he doesn’t look too sorry about it either.

Feeling his face redden, and his fists clench, Arthur turns away.

He goes back to find Llud still snoring – as if he didn’t care! 

“Llud! Wake up!”

Llud throws off his blankets, and leaps to his feet, hand on his sword. “Have they come back?”

“They? Who?”

“Glynn and Geraint of course!”

“No. And neither has Kai. Come on – we need to find him!”

Llud nods abruptly. “You go and get supplies together. I’ll organise search parties.”

When Arthur gets back from the storehouse, he sees a small group of villagers gathered round Llud – only six.

“Is this all?”

Llud bites his lip. “Well, people still have wounded men to tend to. Anyway, I’m having second thoughts. Too many of us tramping around will destroy any signs Kai might have left. And what with yesterday’s attack, I don’t think we can afford to send out large groups to search. Perhaps it’s best if just you and I go.”

It makes a kind of sense, but Arthur can see, from the faces of most of the men gathered there – all but Drystan – that Llud is simply making the best of a bad job. No one is very keen to spend all day out in the cold, searching for a Saxon runaway.

“Come on, then,” he says to Llud. “We’d better get going. He spent his first night at the hideout, so we may as well start there.”

~~

Kai walks until he can’t walk any more. His head hurts; he feels dizzy. His belly’s so empty, he must look like one of those autumn leaves that’s worn down to a skeleton. Perhaps he’ll blow away ... perhaps the wind will blow him back to Arthur. He sits down on the ground, and holds his head in his hands. Perhaps he’ll die here.

Then he hears a sound. Did someone call his name?

“Hello?” Kai struggles to his feet, and nearly throws up. He puts his hands on his knees until the sickness passes, then he grips his axe a little tighter, calling out, “Who’s there?”

“We might ask the same of you!” A little fair-haired man steps out from behind some trees. “Or ‘what’s there’, more like. The way you’ve been moaning and groaning, we thought there must be a bear with a sore head in the area.”

“I must have eaten something bad.” Kai holds his belly.

“Well, don’t offer me any of it!”

Kai warily regards the dumpy stranger. “So … are you a Saxon?” 

“What else would I be?” The man points at his hair. “Do I look like a Celt?” 

A Saxon! Kai’s pulse quickens, and his grip tightens on his axe haft. But he’s in no state to fight, or even run away. In any case – this is what he wanted ….

The man glances behind him. “Come on, Siward. He won’t bite.” He turns back to Kai. “You won’t bite, will you?”

Kai shakes his head, then wishes he’d kept still. “I won’t even bark.”

“Good one!” The man grins, and points a finger at him. “Siward – looks like we’ve got a jester, here.”

A boy about Kai’s own age, with fine fair hair, and a nervous look about him, comes into view.

The older man takes a step forward. He doesn’t look much of a threat, but Kai hefts his axe.

The man backs off again, with both hands raised. “Alright, alright – no need for that! We’re only trying to help. We’re all friends here, aren’t we?”

Then the world starts to sway; Kai lets his axe fall from his hands, and follows it to the ground.

~~

“But we can’t give up!” Arthur stamps a foot. “If we go home now, we’ll be right back where we started. Kai’s been gone two days now.”

“Arthur … it’ll be getting dark soon, and there’s just the two of us. We need to get safely home before nightfall.”

“But what about Kai? He isn’t safe!”

Llud shakes his head. “I’m not even sure he came this way. We should get back, and strike out in a different direction tomorrow. That way, we might happen upon his trail.”

‘Or someone else’s …’ Arthur doesn’t say it, because he sees that Llud is just as worried as he is. Llud’s doing what he thinks is right. It just … isn’t working.

“Alright. We’ll try again tomorrow.” Arthur slaps Llud on the arm. “Hey, perhaps when we get home, Kai will already be there, waiting for us.”

Llud’s eyes light up with hope. “Yes … perhaps he will! Come on – let’s go and find out. I’ll give him such a …” Then he shakes his head. “No … no more of that.”

~~

The smell of roasting meat assaults Kai’s nostrils. Is he dreaming? He opens his eyes, and sees the little Saxon looking at him across the campfire. 

“Oh, good – you’re awake!”

“Just about.”

“Well, we’d better introduce ourselves. I’m Rinan. This useless bag of skin and bones –” he indicates the young man, now turning a hunk of meat on a spit, over the fire – “he’s Siward.” 

Siward smiles wanly at Kai, and waves a hand.

“So – what’s your name?”

Suddenly, the utter folly of what he has set out to do – a Saxon, brought up by Celts, trying to find his Saxon family – hits Kai in the face. If they find out what he is, they’ll torture him for information on the Celts, and then they’ll kill him. That’s what Saxons do.

“I … I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember?” Rinan raises an eyebrow. 

“I must have got hit on the head – I don’t know how. I think I fell.” Kai rubs his left knee. “I’ve been wandering in these woods for days.” He looks hungrily at the roasting meat. 

Rinan seems to relax. “Well, maybe some food will help your memory come back.” He gestures towards Siward. “Bring our new friend some of that, will you?”

Siward cuts a healthy slice from the joint over the fire, and Kai accepts it. He hopes it isn’t horse; they say these savages will eat anything. Still, he tears ravenously at it, the juices dribbling down his chin. He’s never tasted anything so good.

Siward looks curiously at him. “I thought I knew all the Saxons my age from round these parts. Where do you come from?”

“If I knew that, I’d be there,” Kai says bluntly.

There’s an embarrassed silence.

“I didn’t mean –”

“Oh, well – make the best of things, eh?” Rinan slaps his thighs. “P’raps some of this will help.” He passes Kai a skin bottle. “I’m sure it’ll come back to you in time.”

Kai drinks. It’s some kind of strong ale. He’ll have to take care not to drink too much, or he might give himself away. 

But these Saxons’ faces don’t look too unfriendly. Rinan has a twinkle in his eye, and Siward seems … just like an ordinary boy, though a bit less forward than most. 

Kai wipes a hand over his mouth. “So … do you live far from here?”

“No … don’t worry. We’ll be back there before noon tomorrow.”

“We?”

“Well, we can’t let you go wandering about the woods all alone, if you’ve lost your memory, can we? You’ll have to come home with us.”

Kai’s heart sinks. “But I should try to find my way –”

“I won’t hear of it! You say don’t know who, or where you are. What kind of man would I be, if I let a fellow Saxon go stumbling about the woods, eh? What if the Celts catch you? I hear this forest’s crawling with ’em.”

If only that were true! “I haven’t seen –”

“No, you come back with us. I’d never forgive myself, if I let anything happen to you.”

That seems odd. After all, they’ve only just met. But Kai sees he’s not going to win this argument, and it would look suspicious if he tried. “Oh … well that’s very kind of you.”

He starts to shiver.

“You look frozen to the bone,” Rinan observes.

“Here.” Siward drags a sheepskin from his bedroll, and passes it to Kai. “Da – you could give him one of your blankets, too.” He drops his gaze. “I mean, if you don’t –”

“Yes, of course!” Rinan bustles over with a blanket of rough wool.

“Thank you – that’s most hospitable.” Kai gratefully pulls his borrowed things around him. 

“Think nothing of it!” Rinan says. “You’re one of us, aren’t you?”

“Of course!” Kai wonders if he said that a bit too enthusiastically, but no one seems to have noticed.

“We have to take care of each other.” Rinan pats him on the shoulder. “Now get your head down. I want to set off bright and early.”

~~

Arthur had tried not to hope, but still, his heart sinks when the sentry tells him Kai has not returned. Llud nods briefly, listens to the rest of the report, then goes to the longhouse. Only when he gets inside does Arthur see his shoulders sag.

They eat their meal in silence. Llud spends the evening dealing with matters brought to him by disheartened villagers, and when they have all gone he looks more tired than Arthur’s ever seen him. 

Arthur brings him a cup of mead. “Tomorrow. Surely we’ll find him then.”

Llud tousles his hair. 

~~


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur barely sleeps, and when he does, he dreams of Kai standing in the longhouse doorway, with the sun behind him, making a halo of his hair. The spark of joy awakes him. He opens his eyes; the spark fizzles and dies. It’s still full dark, and Kai’s not there.

He stands in the middle of the room, staring at the embers in the fire-pit.

“You should be in bed, asleep.” 

Llud’s voice behind him made Arthur’s heart skip a beat. 

He scuffs his foot on the floor. “I can’t sleep. I don’t know how you can.”

“Because I know we won’t be any use to Kai, if we’re exhausted.”

“But where is he? Why hasn’t he come home? What if he’s hurt? Lying somewhere with a broken leg, or …”

Llud’s face pales to ashes in the torchlight. He grabs Arthur by the shoulders and gives him a shake. “It does no good thinking like that. We just have to hope he’s safe, and try to find him. Come on. Go back to bed and get your head down.”

So Arthur tries, and this time, when he dreams, he sees Kai in a Saxon village: safe, and surrounded by a loving family. Blond children gather round him; he is smiling that brilliant smile that makes everyone else smile with him. But Arthur feels a tear trickle down the side of his face. 

He dashes it away. No time for self indulgence. He must go and find him.

~~

Kai had hoped to slip away before his Saxon hosts awoke, but it seems that fate has other plans for him. When he opens his eyes, Rinan and Siward are already bustling about. He feigns sleep, meaning to take a moment to contemplate his situation.

“Come on, Sleepy-head!” Rinan bends down, and tousles his hair in an overly familiar way. “I know you’re awake!”

Damn him! Kai disentangles himself from his bedding, and gets to his feet. Without even thinking, he casts about for his saddle. 

Siward watches him, bemused. “Lost something?” 

“My … axe.” 

“It’s in your hand!” Rinan laughs. “Did you sleep snuggled up with it? Can’t have been very comfortable!”

“I could have slept on a pile of hedgehogs, I was so tired.” In truth, he hadn’t wanted to let go of it.

“Have you remembered your name yet?” Siward asks.

Kai shakes his head.

“That must have been some blow on the noggin!” 

Then Rinan tousles his hair again. Kai he tries to laugh, but – that’s Llud’s privilege! How dare Rinan usurp it!

“Well, we can’t just call you ‘hey you!’ We’d better give you a name.” Rinan scratches his head. “How about ‘Bearn’?” 

“Why ‘Bearn’?” Kai blurts, then wishes he’d kept quiet. Any such question might make them suspicious.

“Well, it means ‘son.’ And you must be someone’s son, mustn’t you? Even if you don’t know whose!”

It’s as if they know all about him. Kai gives a slight shrug. “Why not?” 

“Alright then, _Bearn_ – let’s be off! Got a few miles to walk.” Rinan slaps him on the back. “Don’t say much, do you?” 

Kai wants to say ‘not as much as you.’ The less he says, the less chance he’ll give himself away.

~~ 

“I don’t like it,” Arthur says, as they set forth from the hide-out once again. “How are we ever going to catch up with Kai, if we always start from the same place?” 

“We won’t even know which way he went until we’re sure we’ve found his trail. No point setting out on a long trek in the wrong direction.”

“Well, should we be calling out for him?” 

“I don’t know … if he doesn’t want to be found, he might hide, but if he’s lying hurt somewhere …” Llud clenches his jaw. “Alright – we’ll try calling now and then, as we go.” 

They set out.

Arthur calls until he’s hoarse.

So many times, he thinks he catches a glimpse of Kai’s blond hair – but it’s just some yellow leaves blown on the wind – or that he hears his voice – but no one’s there: just his mind playing tricks on him.

Mid-afternoon, they come upon the remains of a campfire. Llud scouts around the area. “Three or four people camped here.” He scratches his head. “No sign of horses. Must have just been some of those blasted Saxons.” 

“Kai’s a Saxon.” 

Llud looks up, sharply. “What are you trying to say? You know I didn’t mean –”

“Nothing.” He hasn’t quite broken faith with Kai, by telling Llud his plan. “It’s just that … well, if Kai was with them, would you be able to tell?”

Llud frowns. “His axe was missing, so he must have had it with him. He’d have put up a fight, wouldn’t he?” 

“Yes … of course.” 

“Well, there’s no sign of a struggle, so he can’t have been.”

Arthur searches the indentations where the Saxons must have lain. One is a bit further from the rest. He presses his hand flat to the ground; a shiver runs through him. Could this be the place Kai slept, only last night? 

“So … is there a Saxon village nearby?”

“There’s a fairly new settlement – about ten miles away. The mob we tried to run out last year, remember?”

Arthur nods. 

“Cerdig weighed in on their side, and there was too many of them. We came home, four men down – three horses too. It was a black day.” 

Arthur remembers being filled with dread to think that, soon, Kai would be among the men riding into battle, leaving him behind; that Kai might be brought home slung across his horse’s back. That Arthur might have to gather wood for his funeral pyre.

“I never learned their leader’s name.” Llud sighs. “We should turn for home. We must have been on the wrong trail all along, and we don’t want to run into any of this lot.”

As Llud turns to leave, Arthur bends to pick a leaf up from the ground where he is sure Kai spent the night. A strand of wiry golden hair clings to the leaf, and Arthur knows … he just knows. He stows both leaf and hair inside his tunic. 

“So … you found them …” he says softly, looking back over his shoulder. Then with a heavy heart, he follows Llud.

~~


	10. Chapter 10

Kai soon finds himself surrounded by curious, but welcoming Saxons. It’s a bewildering experience. He feels a fraud, but … well, he _has_ lost his way. He keeps expecting them to turn on him – tear him to pieces – but all he gets is sympathy for his plight, and the reassurance that word will be sent around the neighbouring tribes, to see whether his family can be found. 

Rinan’s … annoying, but his wife Erlene seems kind; their daughter Wilona beams at him, and twirls a strand of hair around her finger. As for Siward – he doesn’t give much away.

As Kai’s shown round the village he tries not to gawp; tries to pretend nothing is strange to his eyes, but everything is: the way they cook, the way they build their fences and their huts; even the way they greet each other as they go about their daily tasks. 

By supper time, Kai’s so tired he falls asleep with his head on the table. After a while, he’s woken by the sound of voices talking quietly nearby. He opens half an eye. Rinan’s family, and some other Saxons are sitting round the fire-pit. 

“He doesn’t half look like Uncle Stepan.” 

Wilona glances at him; Kai shuts his eyes. He doesn’t think she noticed he was awake. 

“He does a bit, now you mention it.” 

Kai can’t work out what Rinan thinks of this. 

“He’d be about the right age, too,” Erlene says.

“No one came back from that raid.” Rinan seems quite sure of that. “Bret couldn’t have survived. Why Stepan insisted on taking a young boy with him, when he could have stayed safe at home with the rest of us, I’ll never understand.”

For a moment, everyone goes quiet. Then Siward says, “P’raps Bret ran off into the forest, and got raised by wolves, like Romulus and Remus.” 

“‘Raised by wolves’?” Rinan scoffs. “What nonsense you do talk! You’re going to have to start thinking more sensibly, if you’re going to be in charge when I’m gone.”

“Don’t want to be in charge,” Siward mumbles.

“Don’t want? Don’t want?” Rinan snaps. “You’re my son. What you want or don’t want –”

“Oh, don’t go on at him, Da,” Wilona interrupts. “Anyway, I should be in charge – I’m the oldest.”

“A woman, in charge?” Rinan laughs heartily. “Bless you!”

Sounding vexed, Wilona, replies: “Well, what if Bearn is Uncle Stepan’s son, as went missing?”

Kai can hardly believe his answer might lie here; that these people might be his uncle, aunt and cousins.

“How could he be? He’d never have survived.”

“But if he was –”

Kai’s just about to sit up and acknowledge them his kin, when Rinan says darkly: “He’d better not be!” 

‘Or what?’ Kai wonders. Perhaps he’d best keep quiet, until he finds out. 

When no one seems to want to say any more about it, Kai shifts slightly, and – as if just waking – knocks over an empty mug, and jerks upright. “Sorry … I dozed off.”

“My, my!” Rinan cocks his head. “You can sleep anywhere, can’t you? Well, don’t worry – you’ve had an exciting day. We shouldn’t be waking you up with our nonsense. Why don’t you take yourself off to bed?”

That sounds an excellent idea. “Where must I sleep?”

“You can share Siward’s hut,” Erlene says. “Can’t he, Siward?” 

Siward looks disconcerted, but then shrugs. “Of course.” 

Rinan calls out to one of the other Saxons “Oi – Orvin! You’re not doing anything. Take a spare pallet to Siward’s hut, will you?”

Muttering under his breath, Orvin gets to his feet. He’s going to have to sidle past Wilona to reach the door, and she doesn’t look too pleased about it, shrinking away as he wriggles past.

Not wanting to cause strife, Kai raises a hand. “I don’t mind sleeping in the stables.”

A puzzled silence falls.

“The cowshed! I meant the cowshed.” Kai shakes his head, and laughs. “I … er … don’t suppose there are any horses here.”

Siward scoffs. “Like we’d go charging around on those horrible great beasts!” 

To Kai’s chagrin, he hears himself say: “They aren’t horrible!” 

“Oh yeah?” Rinan looks up. “What do you know about ’em?” 

“Nothing …” Kai stares into his empty mug. “Nothing at all. Excuse my foolishness – I just think they … look beautiful.”

“They look just lovely on a spit!” Rinan smiles brightly, then shakes his head. “Well, you’re an odd ’un, and no mistake! I thought it was only Celts and Jutes liked horses.” He glances around the assembled company. “Still, Bearn here was hit on the head! Can a blow on the noggin turn you into one of those horse-fuckers, d’you think?”

A few people laugh, and someone pipes up, “That’d explain a lot about the Celts!” 

Kai feels his face redden; anger wells up inside him, but he manages to bite his tongue until – at last – the merriment dies down. Then he says, “I’m rather tired. Could you please show me where I am to sleep?”

Siward gets to his feet. “Come on, then.”

They step outside. Kai pulls in a deep breath of night air.

As they walk across the yard, Siward says softly, “Don’t you worry about that rabble. They laugh at anything they don’t understand.”

Kai feels a grateful tug on his heartstrings. “It’s the same everywhere … I expect.”

“Here – this is it.” With a welcoming sweep of his arm, Siward leads the way into a small hut. “My humble abode.”

Kai bobs his head. “Sorry if I’m intruding.”

Siward shrugs. “It’s alright. Might be nice to have some company for a change.”

Kai frowns. Siward has both his parents and a sister, and he is the leader’s son. And yet he does seem lonely; Kai noticed that Siward didn’t laugh at any of his father’s jokes, and was the butt of many.

“You don’t sleep with your family?”

Siward puffs out a breath. “My dad says I have to learn to be independent, as I’m to be leader after him.” He pokes at the dying fire in his small fire-pit. “Doesn’t bother me. I’d rather be away from that old viper.”

Kai isn’t sure he heard right, so he makes no comment. 

They lie down on their beds. This pallet Orvin brought is rather thin, but still much better than the cold bumpy ground he’s bedded down on the last few nights, and though he knows Siward is talking quietly to him, Kai very soon falls asleep.

~~


	11. Chapter 11

He wakes in a strange bed, in a strange hut. Across the floor, an unaccustomed sight: a blond head upon a pillow – Siward. Not Arthur.

Kai rolls onto his back, and stares at the thatch. He feels sick inside. What is he doing here? And what must Arthur and Llud be doing back at home? Are they searching for him? It will do no good. Even if they get this far, they won’t come right into a Saxon settlement to seek him out. They won’t knock on the gates, and ask for him by name, and even if they did …

“Hello.”

Kai starts. Siward is awake, and looking at him. 

“Oh … good morning.” 

“Deep thoughts?”

Kai sighs. “Just wondering whether I’ll ever find my way home.”

Siward gives a sympathetic nod. “I’m sure you will. Did you sleep alright?”

“Like a log.”

“Never heard that one before.” Siward frowns. “How do logs sleep?”

“Er …” Kai frowns. “Did I say ‘log’? I meant, ‘dog.’”

“Haven’t heard that one either, but it makes more sense!”

Kai wonders how long he can survive here. Everything he says seems to arouse suspicion, whether he could have expected it or not. 

Siward throws off his covers. “Come on then – I have to chop wood in the mornings, before breakfast. You can give me a hand.”

Perhaps things aren’t so different here, after all. 

Kai crawls out of bed. He shudders. “Cold, isn’t it?”

“It’s winter. It happens every year.”

“Oh … I’d forgotten,” Kai replies sheepishly. “Must have been that blow on the head.”

Siward grins. “That’s your excuse for everything. It must have been a hard one!”

Kai follows Siward to the woodshed, where they set about the task: Kai, selecting logs and setting them on the block, and Siward, chopping them for kindling.

As innocently as he can, Kai asks, “So … who is this ‘Uncle Stepan’?” 

Siward glances up. “I thought you were asleep when we were talking about him.”

“I was drifting. I didn’t hear much.”

Siward seems to accept this. “Stepan was my dad’s older brother. Should have been our leader now, instead of my dad, but he got killed on a raid, when I was just a kid – I don’t remember how long ago. My dad – the big coward – he hadn’t gone. He’d stayed in bed, claiming he was sick, like he always did, until the proper warriors had left. It was embarrassin’.”

“No one would get away with that in my village.”

Siward frowns. “I thought –”

“I mean, if I were in charge.”

Siward shrugs. “He was always a sickly child, so he was my grandma’s favourite. Got away with murder by all accounts.” Siward glances behind him, then lowers his voice. “Well, he did, anyway, but that was later.” He takes a hefty swing that splits a huge log in one go. “And he hated Uncle Stepan. He was tall, like you, and all the girls loved him. When no one came home from that raid … my dad – shame on him – he was happy, you could see it! He got even worse after that, knowing he was to be leader.” 

“Your dad’s been kind enough to me.”

Siward scoffs. “Don’t be taken in. He may be a coward, but he’s a bully too. My poor mum …”

Kai sets up another log for chopping. “What about her?”

Siward shakes his head. He splits a log as if it were a melon. “If he’s been kind, he has his reasons. He’s just biding his time.”

But for the thump of axe on wood, they work in silence for a while.

Eventually Siward speaks again. “No one wanted him as chief. But he’s got Cerdig on his side, and he strikes like a snake in the grass when you least expect it. That’s how he got rid of the warriors who got in his way. The rest … well, they know better’n to step out of line.”

Kai raises an eyebrow. “Still … it means you’ll be chief after him.”

“Worse luck.”

“Why’s that?”

“Good chiefs die young,” Siward says grimly.

Kai thinks of Arthur, and hopes Siward is wrong.

Siward takes a sidelong look at him. “Wouldn’t set my nose out of joint one bit if you were Stepan’s son, but if my dad gets to thinking you might be … well, you just watch your back.”

~~

Though Arthur thinks he knows where Kai has gone, he says nothing. After all, he has no real proof, and … Kai forbade him to tell. And so they go on searching till they’ve been beyond the borders of the lands they call their own, first west, then south, east and north. 

They ask everyone they meet along the way whether they have seen a lone Saxon lad. Most say ‘An’ I had, I’d have killed him’ and sometimes Arthur has to hold Llud back, and sometimes it’s the other way. Then they move on.

At last, Arthur says what he’s been thinking since Kai left. “I thought a good tracker should be able to follow trails months old? That’s what you always tell us ... me.”

“Well, yes, if the quarry’s not a bright young man who’s deliberately hidden his tracks. I taught the lad too well. I think we have to face it Arthur – Kai didn’t want us to find him.” Llud shakes his head. “He’s left us. I don’t think he’s ever coming back.”

When Arthur sees that Llud has lost all hope, that’s when it really hits him; he feels tears welling behind his eyes. And though it makes no sense to go on looking, Arthur blurts out, “How can you say that? You can’t just give up! You can’t!”

Llud bows his head. “There comes a time, Arthur, when one has to accept the consequences of one’s actions. I tried to raise young Kai as best I could. But perhaps … oh, I don’t know. If my wife had lived …”

~~


	12. Chapter 12

Over the next few days, Rinan sends word to all the neighbouring villages, about a Saxon lad who’s looking for his home. Of course, Kai knows it’s pointless, but he can’t say so.

He misses Llud’s gruff company: so different from this Rinan’s brittle cheerfulness. And as for Arthur … thinking about him fills Kai with a hopeless longing that he can’t explain. Always, with Arthur, there’s a sense that he wants more from him than Kai knows how to give; that he’s not good enough, and never will be. Could he ever have bridged the gulf between them? And is that gulf more than the difference between Celt and Saxon? 

Perhaps he should stay here. He can’t imagine it … but neither is he ready to strike out for home. Not yet. He needs to build his strength up, and the idea that these might be his real family – Rinan his uncle; Erlene, his aunt; Siward, his cousin – keeps him here. He wants to know the truth.

So Kai finds out what it means to be a Saxon. He soon learns to respond when his new name is called, and uses it himself. He feigns fear of the wild woods; remembers not to eat off his knife, and even brings himself to joke about the Celts.

When, after a few days, no one has come to claim Kai as their own, Rinan chirps, “Looks like you’re stuck with us then, doesn’t it? Well, if you’re going to stay, you’d better start pulling your weight!”

He’s given duties like the other lads his age. He learns to see to the needs of sheep, and copies from Siward what he does not know. Siward is not bad company, and – though Kai feels like a traitor for thinking it – he’s not such hard work as Arthur. 

And Kai gets to know some of the warriors. He asks them of their past; often he sees them looking at him thoughtfully. Nothing about this village looks familiar, but this tribe only moved here two or three summers ago. He starts to think he recognises some of the older men – but perhaps it’s wishful thinking. Perhaps he’ll never know for sure, from whence he comes. 

The village girls begin to look their new potential conquest over with admiring eyes, but Kai is cagey, taking care not to return their gaze. Getting involved is too much of a risk. 

He tries to keep a wary eye on Rinan, and he’s sure Rinan is also watching him. Siward was right to warn him. One day, when Kai is talking to the old warriors, and Rinan makes his presence known, they shut their mouths like clams. And one night, Erlene dares gainsay her husband at the table; the next morning she has a cut lip, and bruises on her face. She says she fell. Later, Kai finds Siward punching a fence post till his knuckles bleed.

And once – only once – Kai catches a glimpse of Siward’s back: marked with red angry wheals from harsher beatings than Llud would dream of meting out. With a look that dares Kai to speak of it, Siward pulls on his shirt.

Wilona is the only member of the household who isn’t wary of Rinan; she’s the apple of his eye, a rare beauty, with clear blue eyes and hair like gold. 

One evening, at dinner, while the minstrel sings – _“For a wife, for a wife, there is room in my house for a wife”_ – Kai feels Wilona’s gaze resting upon him.

 _“And there’s many a secret to keep; could keep even the dullards a-thinking …”_

Kai can’t help returning her approving looks. 

_“Of the harvest there is for to reap. For to reap, for to reap –”_

“A word in your ear, Bearn.” Rinan takes Kai by the elbow and leads him away.

_“Of the harvest there is for to reap.”_

Kai feels Rinan’s hot breath on his face.

“My daughter’s betrothed to one of Cerdig’s kin, so make sure you keep your big eyes and clumsy hands, and everything else, however big or small, to yourself. You are a guest in my village – nothing more. Forget it, you’ll be reaping a harvest you won’t be able to stomach. Understand?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t dream –”

“I’ll bet you wouldn’t.” Rinan points two fingers at his own eyes then at Kai. “I’m watching you.”

~~

Arthur can hear Kai to calling him. He runs through the woods, with leaves falling about him like soft golden rain, towards Kai’s voice. He comes into a clearing where a lion stands. The lion leaps upon him and they wrestle. Arthur gets free, and draws his sword and pierces the lion to the heart. He wakes, gasping, and finds himself, and his covers wet and sticky. 

Overcome with shame, he throws the covers off. What is he going to do? What will Llud say? 

Llud is still snoring. Arthur cleans himself with a rag, then pulls the sheepskin from his bed, takes it outside, and adds it to a pile of washing lying outside somebody else’s hut. Then he takes another from the storehouse and puts it on his bed. He feels awful about it, but he can’t tell Llud. He can’t tell anyone. There’s only one person whom he might have told … and Kai’s not here.

~~

Kai dreams he’s running through a field of wheat. It’s getting harder and harder. The stalks get in his eyes, and now he’s running up a hill. The wheat writhes and hisses at him. He stumbles; falls into a mire, and starts to sink. He flails. He’s choking, and there’s darkness all around; something’s pulling him under; then he’s lifted into the air, held in the claws of a great eagle with black wings. It carries him up, and he can breathe again. He gasps with relief such as he’s never felt before. He wakes to find his blankets soaked in sweat ... and worse. He groans. 

Siward opens his eyes. “You alright?”

“Um ...” Kai gives his covers a disgusted look. 

“Oh!” Siward shakes his head. “Don’t worry – Mam’ll wash ’em. I’ll get you some more.” Seeing Kai’s doubtful look, he adds, “I’ll say they’re mine.”

~~

That morning, as Arthur forces down his porridge, Llud looks up at him and asks, “Do you think I treated Kai any differently? Because he was a Saxon?”

“Of course you didn’t.”

Llud heaves a sigh. 

Timidly, Arthur says, “I know Kai was your favourite, but I’ll try to make up for –”

“Don’t talk such nonsense!”

“Well, he was, wasn’t he? I mean, you chose to bring him home. You didn’t really have a choice about looking after me.”

“Arthur, I loved your father as a brother … how could I not feel the same about his son? Yes, I chose to bring Kai home. But if I’d had a son of my own, I couldn’t have wished for better than either you or Kai. So don’t do me the dishonour of thinking I love either one of you more than the other.”

~~


	13. Chapter 13

At last, Arthur’s routine has to go back to normal. But how can it be normal when the sun has fallen from the sky? 

Even for weapons training, he has no stomach. Anyone with half a mind to, easily gets the best of Arthur now.

“Come on Lad, you can do better than that!” Drystan chides, as yet another younger boy disarms him.

“Sorry Drystan,” Arthur mutters. 

“Don’t be sorry. Be better!” Drystan moves on. 

Arthur bends to retrieve his sword. He doesn’t do that trick any more. He doesn’t feel like it.

When Drystan’s out of earshot, Conyn points at Arthur. “I know why he can’t fight any more!”

“Why’s that?” Morvan demands.

“He misses Kai!”

A few others gather round, making kissing noises, and calling out, “Aww!” and “Ain’t that sad?” and “Can’t fight without your big brother to help you?” 

Arthur bites his lip and starts to walk away.

“That’s what you get for making friends with Saxons,” Morvan calls out. 

Then Conyn runs after him and pulls him back. “What’s wrong with your own kind? Celts not good enough for you?”

“Well, you’re not!” Arthur shrugs free of him.

“At least I haven’t gone running to the enemy, and told them everything about us.” 

Arthur feels the blood drain from his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, where was he when we were attacked?” Morvan folds his arms. “It was probably him led them straight to us!”

“We weren’t attacked by Saxons, you idiot!”

“Doesn’t matter who he went to.” Conyn draws his sword. “Kai’s turned traitor, like I always knew he would!” 

**_“He has not!”_** Arthur’s blade flashes in his hand.

Conyn yelps, then manages to parry. There’s blood seeping from a wound on his left forearm; he holds it close to his body, but Arthur presses, beating him back and back. 

At first, the little crowd were yelling, “Fight! Fight!” – but now it’s, “Arthur! Arthur!”

Conyn staggers, holding his arm, and nearly falls.

Arthur closes in; he’s going to kill the little worm.

Then someone grabs him by the collar. “Drop your sword!”

“No!” Arthur writhes in Drystan’s grasp.

“Drop it, and leave the field.”

Gritting his teeth, Arthur drops his sword, and mutters, “You said ‘be better’.”

Drystan shakes him. “Better, not berserk.” 

Arthur goes limp. “Yes, Drystan. Sorry.”

Drystan lets him go. “And don’t come back until you’ve got a cool head on your shoulders.”

Arthur runs from the practice ground. He doesn’t want to tell Llud he’s been banished for trying to kill another boy, so he retreats to the usual place. He scrambles inside, and sits there fuming. He really was going to kill Conyn, if he could, for speaking of Kai that way. 

He gets a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. What? Kill another boy, for speaking out of turn? His hands shake, and he starts to shiver. He finds a few sticks, thinking to build a fire, but then remembers that Kai took the tinder box. He kicks his pile of firewood. The hideout’s not the same without Kai, anyway.

“Hello.”

For a split second, Arthur dares to hope his thought has summoned Kai – but no. It’s not Kai’s voice.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me, Gavyn. I saw you go in there.”

Arthur groans. “What do you want?”

“You really showed Conyn, didn’t you?”

“I lost my temper. It was wrong of me.”

“Couldn’t blame you.”

“Is he alright?”

“Drystan took him to the Healer. He’d stopped bleeding.”

Arthur feels a little better.

Gavyn pokes his head inside. “Oh, this place is brilliant!”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “You’d better not tell anyone else about it.”

“Is this where you used to come with Kai?”

“What if it is?” 

Gavyn quails. “Only asking.”

“Yes – it was. And will be again. ”

“Kai was your best friend, wasn’t he?”

“He still is,” Arthur snaps. “Go away and leave me alone!”

“But I could be your friend now.”

Arthur feels like yelling, ‘Kai was my brother! He was everything to me, and now he’s gone’ – but everyone knows that. Poor Gavyn’s only trying to help, and he _has_ just lost his father … 

Thunder cracks, and the skies open. 

Arthur heaves a sigh. “Oh, alright – you’d better come in. We can wait this out together.”

~~

The storm passes. 

When they reach Gavyn’s mother’s hut, Gavyn gestures at the door. “Want to come in? Smells like my mam just baked some cakes.”

But Arthur shakes his head. “No … I’d better go and face Llud – get it over with.”

“Want me to come and tell him –?”

“No … I’d better go alone. But thanks.”

Gavyn nods. “Good luck.”

Arthur carries on to the longhouse, dragging his feet. Llud will be furious with him for losing his temper, and injuring another boy. He’ll surely get a beating – and he’ll deserve it. 

Heart in his mouth, he opens the door to find Llud waiting for him … along with Conyn’s mother. He groans inwardly. Surely _she_ won’t be witnessing his punishment?

Llud purses his lips. “I hope you’re ashamed of yourself, Arthur.”

He isn’t as ashamed as he knows he should be; nevertheless, he drops his gaze. 

“A warrior in practice has a duty to be careful. Had you forgotten?” 

Arthur wasn’t practicing: he was defending Kai’s honour. But he refrains from saying so. “I must have. Sorry, Llud.”

“You could have injured young Conyn quite badly. His mother was worried sick.”

Arthur turns to Conyn’s mother. “Please accept my apologies.”

“Well, perhaps this will help you remember in future. For the next week, you’re to help Conyn’s mother in the house. Any job she chooses to give you, mind, and no complaints.”

A week, helping Conyn’s mother! While Conyn watches and laughs at him … 

A leathering might have hurt him less.

~~


	14. Chapter 14

One morning, Kai hears a commotion at the gates. Hoping against hope that it might be Celts, come looking for him, he makes his way over as quickly as he can without being noticed. 

A huge warrior – a Saxon – is gesturing extravagantly, and bellowing at the two men on sentry duty: “I am Abeodan – come from Cerdig to meet with your leader, Rinan. Let me in!”

The sentries exchange glances. 

“I wasn’t told of any messengers. Were you, Erian?”

Erian shakes his head. “Not me.” He turns to Abeodan. “We can’t just let you in without permission.”

“Nah … it’s more than our life’s worth.”

“Cerdig will hear of this!” Abeodan draws his axe. 

Then Rinan bustles over. “What’s this, what’s this?”

Abeodan looks down at him with ill-concealed contempt. “I am Abeodan – come from Cerdig to meet with your leader, Rinan. These men are hindering me in my duty.” 

Rinan fetches first one sentry – “Numbskull!” then the other – “Idiot!” a sharp blow on the back of the head. 

“But our orders –”

“I give the orders, and I say let him in!”

Erian scurries to obey.

“Now – where’s your chief?” Abeodan swaggers through the gate. 

Rinan puffs himself up. “I am he.”

“Oh.” Abeodan looks disconcerted. 

“Glad to meet you. Please come inside.” Rinan glances around. “Bearn – bring some refreshments to the longhouse for our guest.”

Wondering what Llud would think, to see him bringing ale and meat for one of Cerdig’s men, Kai does as he’s bid, then stands back from the table, trying to blend in with the walls, so he’ll be allowed to stay, and hear what’s going on. 

When Abeodan has eaten and drunk his fill, he wipes a hand across his mouth, and leans over the table towards Rinan. “My thanks! Now – where’s this Wilona we’ve heard so much about? Cerdig says I’m to take a look at the girl who’s to be his nephew’s bride. I hope she’s a comely wench. We could do with –”

“My daughter’s no wench, to be looked over, like a beast at market!” Rinan’s eyes blaze. “She’s still got two summer’s growing to do, before we can even think about her leaving. So don’t you –” 

“Of course … of course.” Abeodan sits back in his chair. “But … er … Cerdig is expecting a report. I have to tell him something.”

Rinan frowns. His fists clench on the table, then he calls out, “Wilona?” 

At once – as if she’s been hiding within earshot all this time – Wilona appears in a doorway. She regards Abeodan with pursed lips, and a hand upon her hip.

Abeodan whistles.

“Hey! Show some respect!” Rinan snaps.

Wilona pulls a face at Abeodan. 

“You too, young lady!”

His forehead creasing in a sudden frown, Abeodan pushes his chair back from the table, gets up, and stalks towards the doorway where Wilona stands.

Rinan leaps to his feet. “Don’t you touch her!” 

Abeodan takes Kai’s axe down from its peg, just to Wilona’s left.

Wilona squeaks in terror.

Rinan rushes to set himself between them. “You … you keep away from her!” He wags a finger up at Abeodan.

“Calm down, Little Man,” Abeodan growls. “Your daughter’s safe – for now.” He examines the axe, turning it over in his hands.

Kai steps forward. “Erm … that’s my –”

“I thought so …” Abeodan looks up, his face as white as milk. “How did this get here?”

“I put it there,” Kai volunteers. “It’s my axe.” 

“You …?” Abeodan regards Kai with incomprehension, then – clutching the weapon to his chest – takes a step towards him. “But you could not have … This axe belonged to my friend, Leof.” 

Rinan collects himself. “Er … are you sure about that?” 

Abeodan flushes. “Of course I’m sure! This notch right here, on the blade – that was made by my own weapon, on the practice ground, one day when things got heated.”

Rinan raises his eyebrows. “Well, how did your friend happen to lose such a fine axe?”

“He did not **_lose_** it.” Abeodan slams the axe down on the table. “He was killed by murdering Celts. They attacked him just outside our village. We found his body, but without his weapon.”

Kai stands very still. Llud brought that axe home with him from a raid, and gave it to him, one Solstice. It must have been Llud who killed Abeodan’s friend. And now, the hulking warrior is blocking his escape. 

Very slowly and deliberately, Abeodan stalks towards him. “How did you come by it?”

Kai prepares to try and make a run for it. “I … er …”

Rinan steps forward, one hand raised. “I gave it to him.”

Abeodan turns and stares at Rinan. _“You?”_

“I bought it from a trader.” Rinan shrugs. “Who knows how he got hold of it? Some scavenger probably found it, and sold it to him for a loaf of bread. I got it for Bearn, here, just a few days ago.”

Abeodan’s face twists as if he has eaten something bitter; then he heaves a sigh, seeming to accept what he’s been told. 

Kai doesn’t understand what’s going on – why Rinan lied for him – but he is very glad of the reprieve. Abeodan is huge, and Kai ... well, Abeodan has his axe. 

“Of course, you’d better have it back,” Rinan adds. “Take it to your friend’s family if that’s what you want. I can get Bearn another one.”

Kai can’t afford to raise any objections.

But Abeodan subsides with a rumble. “No … let it stay with its new owner. Come here, you – whatever your name is!” He gestures at Kai. 

“Bearn.” Kai takes a step towards him.

“Well, Bearn. Take this axe, and remember – this belonged to a fine warrior, killed in his prime by a cowardly enemy.”

Kai clenches his jaw. He ought to kill Abeodan for calling Llud a coward – and perhaps, one day, he will. But not today. Today, he will just accept his axe back, and nod his thanks.

“Carry this weapon with pride and honour!” 

“I always intended to do so,” Kai says stiffly.

Abeodan cuffs the back of his head. “I don’t doubt it, Lad! Rinan, is this your bold whelp?” 

Rinan grimaces, and glances at Siward, who’s standing in a corner. “No … mine’s over there. Give him an axe like that, he’d probably take his own foot off.”

Kai gives Siward an apologetic look, but Siward just shrugs. He’s used to it.

“Well, I have duties …” Kai backs towards the door, and makes his escape, taking his axe with him.

~~

Abeodan leaves, apparently satisfied with what he’s seen. But all that day, and the next, Kai puzzles over the encounter. The only explanation he can find, is that Rinan came to his aid because he was annoyed with Abeodan, for frightening Wilona. Nevertheless, Kai prepares to thank Rinan, and expects to be asked how he came by Leof’s axe. 

But Rinan doesn’t ask: not that day, nor after Abeodan departs. The little Saxon leader seems to have forgotten all about it. Perhaps he accepts his own explanation of its provenance – that Kai must have come by it in trade, and not in battle. Or perhaps he already knows what Kai will say: ‘I got hit on the head. I don’t remember.’ 

~~

“What ails you, Lad?” 

Arthur has been staring blankly at his books, for he doesn’t know how long when Brother Amlodd interrupts his thoughts. Haltingly, Arthur tells him.

Amlodd nods. “I wondered why Kai wasn’t outside, waiting for you. Though there’s another boy sitting on the bench.”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Yes, that’s Gavyn. He’s been following me around.” 

The Brother’s look of slight reproach makes Arthur feel ashamed. “I mean, he’s my friend, I suppose. He’s alright. It’s just not the same.”

“So …” Amlodd goes to stand looking out of the door. “Kai is in the wilderness, like a Lost Sheep.”

“More like a Prodigal Son. He didn’t just get lost. He ran away.”

“Then you should not be so dismayed,” Amlodd tells him kindly. “For the tale of the Prodigal Son is a joyous one. The Prodigal Son came home, if you remember.”

“Well, I hope he comes back soon, and doesn’t wait until he’s starving. And I won’t complain when Llud kills the fatted calf, either.”

Amlodd comes to stand behind Arthur and lays a hand upon his head. “Come along now – back to work!”

~~


	15. Chapter 15

One day, while giving the goats their evening feed, Kai finds himself singing one of the minstrel’s songs from home. 

_“When I rode out one summer morn,  
To chase the deer and spear the boar,  
My horse did bolt and my –”_

“That’s a very interesting ditty, young Bearn.” 

Rinan’s voice right in his ear makes Kai’s heart thump. He turns to face Rinan. “I was just –”

“Where did you learn that one? I haven’t heard it before.”

“It’s just … something I made up myself.”

Rinan gives him a piercing look. “Now why on earth would you make up a song about riding horses, and hunting wild animals? What an imagination you do have.”

He stalks away, not waiting for a reply.

That’s when Kai knows he’s tarried long enough ... too long. So what if his birth family is here? What good will that do him? If it turns out he _is_ Stepan’s son, and the rightful leader of this village, Rinan will try to kill him, and if Rinan fails … well, Kai has no intention of leading a band of Saxons. They’re the enemy. He’s shocked to find he’d let himself forget.

Before he can arouse any more suspicion, he must make plans to find his way back home.

Home … Suddenly, he misses Arthur so much it almost sends him to his knees, but when he tries to picture Arthur’s face, he can’t. He can’t see it. Kai feels a chill run down his spine. What if this means that something’s happened to Arthur, while he’s been away? 

He _must_ get home!

But that night, while Siward snores, and Kai lies wakeful, planning his departure, fate takes a hand. 

~~

Each morning, Arthur rises with the faint hope in his heart that Kai will have returned – and the leaden knowledge in his belly that his hope is vain. When out hunting with Llud, he spends more time looking for signs that Kai’s been there, than catching hares or pheasants. When they get back home, he rushes inside, wishing with all his might to see Kai sitting by the fire, as if he’s never been away, and all this were nothing more than just some frightful dream. 

Llud shakes his head. “If wishing could bring him home, he’d be here, now.”

The hideout doesn’t feel the same now Gavyn goes there too. When Arthur wants to be alone, he mopes around the brook where he and Kai used to fish, inside the trunk of the huge hollow tree where they played dice, or else goes to his bed. 

The spark of hope is dying in his heart. Surely, if he wanted to, Kai would have returned by now? The thought that, wherever Kai has gone, he’s happy … Arthur can’t believe it. He can’t bear it. But what if Kai’s held prisoner? Arthur would tear every Saxon village within ten leagues apart to find him. But Llud would not agree: not without proof … 

One day, Neb comes up to Arthur. “Where’s Kai gone then? No one else seems to know.”

Arthur sighs. “I wish _I_ did.”

“Only …” Neb kicks a stone. “Kai was our lucky mascot.”

Arthur’s face scrunches up. “Lucky? Kai?” 

“Well, he had such bad luck, see, he had enough for all of us, so we reckoned we’d always be lucky while we had him with us.” 

Arthur just shakes his head; Kai was so much more than that to him.

He tries to seem cheerful, for Llud’s sake. Most days, he lets Gavyn tag along with him. Perhaps poor Gavyn can be _his_ lucky charm. 

But all the colours have drained from his world. 

As if summoned by that thought, the snow comes; everything is white. Now, Kai couldn’t get back, even if he wanted to.

~~

They’re trapped near the settlement. The fires burn all day. 

Kai stops to take a breather while he’s chopping wood. He cracks his knuckles, rubs his hands together. Suddenly a warm body is pressed against his back. He turns to see Wilona’s face, just inches from his own. 

He hasn’t kissed that many girls – not as many as he’s let Arthur believe: none since he left home, and none as beautiful as Wilona. And she’s just teasing him, like all the girls his age, but he’s so close, he can’t help but kiss her pretty mouth. She wraps her arms around his neck; she seems to want to crawl right down his throat. 

His prick stiffens; he feels hot all over. It’s too much. He pushes her away, and runs a hand through sweat-damp hair. 

Wilona rolls her eyes. “What’s the matter? You want me, don’t you?”

“Well – yes, but …” He wants her – with his cock, but not his heart. “We should not. I mean, you are betrothed to –” 

“I know … some hairy dwarf of Cerdig’s kin. I don’t want to go. Why should I?”

She locks lips with him once more, and fumbles with his breeches. So … she’s serious. Something surges within him, telling him to let her have her way.

“You know, I’ve never –”

“Don’t you worry!” Wilona smirks. “I know what I’m doing.”

It’s what all young men dream of. Well, most young men … but then he thinks of Arthur, and – without wondering why – he knows that Arthur would be crushed if he were to give in to Wilona. 

“But here?” Kai holds her at arm’s length. “Somebody might walk in.” 

She looks away. “Who cares?”

Desire dissolves like morning mist. “You _want_ us to be caught?”

Wilona scuffs her toe amongst the chippings. “If they know I’m not a virgin, I won’t have to go and marry Cerdig’s kin. Please, Kai –”

“But Rinan will string my guts around this village!”

“You can beat him! Use that big axe of yours!”

“Wilona! That’s your father!”

Wilona flounces. “That old bag of wind!”

Kai shakes his head. “I can’t just fight, and maybe – if I’m very lucky – kill the leader of your village. What would they do to me?”

“Give thanks, and crown you king, most likely!” She tosses her golden tresses. “Anyway, don’t you think I’m worth it?”

“Um …”

“I’ll scream!” She widens her eyes. “I’ll say you forced me!”

“What are you up to now?” Siward pokes his head around the door. “Leave Bearn alone, Wilona! Don’t go trying to get him into trouble, just because everyone else is wise to your tricks.”

“Keep your nose out of my business, Little Brother!”

“Your business? We all know what that is!”

Wilona flies at Siward, scratching at his face. 

“Where’s that wood?” Erlene peers in. “Oh! Please, stop it, you two.” She grabs Wilona by the hair, and pulls her away from Siward. “Your father’s just outside.”

“I don’t care! Let me go!” 

“What’s going on in here?” Rinan crowds into the wood-store.

Wilona glances at Kai, and pats her dress down.

“Oh … that’s how it is, is it?” Rinan grabs the back of Kai’s tunic. “I warned you, didn’t I? Couldn’t have made it clearer if I’d written it in your entrails. Is this is how you repay me for my kindness and hospitality?”

Siward tugs Rinan’s arm. “Leave him, Da! It wasn’t Bearn’s fault.”

“What wasn’t his fault though, eh?” Rinan knocks Siward’s hand away, then clips him round the ear. “If ‘it’ isn’t his fault, there has to be an ‘it’, and I want to know what ‘it’ is. And if you won’t tell me –”

“It was nothing,” Kai cuts in. “I kissed her – that was all. Ask Erlene. She –”

“You might be able to pull the wool over that silly cow’s eyes, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Look at you … think you’re the bees knees, don’t you? Well, I’ve been watching you. And there’s a few things that don’t seem quite right. You never did tell me how you came by that lovely axe of yours.”

He should have known Rinan had not forgotten. He swallows. “Well, you were right – it was from a trader.”

“Oh – so you remember now, do you?”

Kai tries to look Rinan in the eye, but can’t quite manage it. “A few things are coming back to me, yes.” 

“I suppose this came from a trader, too?” Rinan snatches Kai’s knife from the sheath on his belt, and studies it intently. “This is Celt workmanship.”

He should have got away while he still had the chance. Now, Rinan has his knife; his axe is in the longhouse, and Rinan is blocking the doorway.

“I … um … took it from a dead Celt.”

“A bit young to have been going on raids, aren’t you?” Rinan pushes Kai in the chest. 

“I was escaping … the Celts had captured me.” 

“A likely tale!” 

“It’s true. I got hit on the head while running away from them. They were … keeping me as a slave.”

“A slave, eh?” Rinan looks amused. “And the Celts let their slaves buy axes, do they?”

“No … I … _they_ got it from a trader. I stole it when I escaped. The trader must have got it from whoever killed Abeodan’s friend.”

Rinan nods. “Yes, Abeodan … he told me a thing or two. I didn’t quite believe him. But now …” He strokes his chin. “Siward – tie Bearn’s hands, and take him to the cowshed. Then hobble him as well.”

“But Da …”

“No buts! If you won’t do it, I’ll find someone who will, and if I have to do that … well …”

Kai thinks about the marks on Siward’s back. He holds his hands before him. “Alright. I won’t make any trouble.”

“Hands behind your back, not in front!” Rinan barks. 

Kai complies, and – with a look of apology – Siward brings some rope, and sets to work.

~~

He tried not to tie the ropes too tight, but his father followed them to the cowshed, and made him tie them tighter. Bearn’s wrists will be sore. 

Back in the longhouse, Siward can’t hold his tongue, though it earns him a beating. “Da, it’s not fair. Bearn ain’t done nothin’ wrong. You know what Wilona’s like.”

“Don’t you cast aspersions on your sister!”

“No, he’s right, Da.” Wilona looks at the floor. “It was my fault – I did lead him on.”

“Yes, and he followed, where he had no right to, even after I’d warned him. You go to your bed and stay there, Young Lady!”

Wilona trails out.

“But what if he really is Uncle Stepan’s son?” Siward protests. “He’s my cousin – your nephew! You can’t leave him there, trussed up like an animal for slaughter.”

“Who says I can’t?”

Siward stands up as tall as he can. “I do.”

His father hits him on the jaw, and knocks him off his feet. “One more argument from you, and you can join him.”

Siward looks up at him, and wipes blood from his lip. “But why, Da?”

“Well, as you ask, I’ll tell you straight. Abeodan said he’d heard talk of a young Saxon running with the Celts. They’d been seen riding out together. Now I’ve made four, from two and two. Young Bearn was no prisoner of the Celts. He was a traitor!”

“And if all the bloody Saxon leaders are like you, I don’t blame him!” Siward blurts. He claps a hand over his mouth, and braces himself. 

But Rinan just looks down on him, and nods. “I owe you an apology. You were right. If this Bearn – or whatever he calls himself – really is young Brett, then he was raised by wolves, just like you said. Because he was raised by Celts, and they’re worse than wild beasts.”

“I been sharing my hut with him. He’s no wild beast.”

His father grabs him by the front of his shirt, and shakes him. “Listen to me, you little disappointment. You’re to speak to no one about who he is, or might be, including him. Do you hear me? No one! He’s my prisoner. Get used to it.”

Siward looks away. “Well, what’s going to happen to him, then?”

“He’s another mouth to feed – one we can ill afford, especially now. So until I decide what to do with him, he must work for his keep. And I mean really work.”

“Can’t we just send him home?”

“What? So he can tell his Celtic friends all about us?”

“You could swear him to secrecy.”

“And you’d accept his word?” His father shakes his head. “How did your mother raise you to be such a fool? I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. Perhaps some other wench will bear me a son with half a grain of sense.”

“Da!” 

His mother, watching silently from the doorway, shakes her head at Siward, and ducks out of sight.

If his Da had seen the look she gave him, he’d have turned to stone. 

~~


	16. Chapter 16

What will they do with him? 

Kai shivers. 

Most likely kill him. Question him first. He tells himself he always knew that it would end like this: a Saxon foundling, lost and held captive in a filthy shed, waiting for death, with no friends coming to his aid. 

But it’s not true. He’d thought that one day, not too long away, he’d be riding into battle with Arthur at his side. They’d vanquish all their foes, share a cup of mead at the day’s end, and then … 

None of that will happen now. He’s tried to loosen the ropes about his wrists, but they’re too tight. 

How in hell did he get himself into this mess? Kai’s throat is tight, but he’s not going to cry – not with the enemy outside the door – and he’s going to do his damnedest not to piss himself with fear. 

“Give me that!” 

That’s Rinan’s voice outside the door. It swings opens. Rinan stalks over to him, a torch in his left hand, and – in his right – the hazel switch.

“So how’s our Celtic mongrel now? Still enjoying our hospitality?”

Kai purses his lips. 

“I know you were raised by Celts, and lived among them.” Rinan sets the end of his switch under Kai’s chin. “But why did you come here?”

“I didn’t want to come. You brought me – you insisted.”

Rinan taps him lightly on the cheek with the switch. “Don’t get clever – it doesn’t suit you. What were you doing wandering in our territory?”

Kai doesn’t want to tell Rinan that he ran away: much less, the reason why. 

“I was with a hunting party. I fell from my horse, and got separated … couldn’t find the others.”

“Hmm.” Rinan looks as if he half-believes him. “How long were you with the Celts?”

“As long as I can remember.”

“Then you must know a lot about them.”

Kai says nothing.

“Where is your village?” Rinan thrusts the torch towards his face. 

Kai shrinks back. “I don’t know. I was lost – trying to find my way.”

“That’s what you claim. But perhaps they sent you as a spy.”

“No!”

Rinan looms over him, his face demonic in the flickering light. “Because you look like one of us, they thought you’d get away with it.”

“No, I swear it. If I were a spy, I’d have made up better lies.”

Rinan considers. “Yes, you would, and all.” He paces the barn, then swiftly turns back towards Kai. “I don’t know what fairy-tales Siward’s been filling your head with, but you’re not one of us, if that’s what you think. You’re not Stepan’s son, Brett. And do you know how I know that?”

Kai shakes his head.

“Because young Brett did manage to find his way home. Worse luck for him, I was the first person he met. And do you know what I did?” Rinan leans in, his mean little eyes staring into Kai’s. 

With bated breath, Kai stares back, waiting for the answer.

“I buried him, outside our old village.” 

Kai’s heart goes cold. To kill a child … your own nephew …

Rinan nods. “Yes … and I’ll do the same with you, if you give me any trouble.” He paces the length of the cowshed, slapping the switch against his boot. “And what thanks do I get for it, from my ungrateful son? ‘I don’t want to be the leader, Da.’” Rinan spits on the ground. “I’ll get me a son worthy to lead this village if I have to fuck every woman within twenty leagues.” He turns on Kai. “Repeat a word of that, and …” He makes a slashing motion across his throat.

“Why don’t you just send me on my way? I’m no threat to you. Let me go, as soon as the snow melts. You’ll never see me again.”

“Till you lead a raiding party back, to slaughter us in our beds.”

“I’ll probably die out in the wilds before I find my way home. And anyway, I don’t wish your people any ill. Siward’s –” he was going to say ‘my friend’ but that won’t do either of them any good – “been fair to me. Your people have been kind. I wouldn’t want Erlene or Wilona to come to any harm.”

Rinan shakes his head. “You’ve lied to me from the start. Why should I trust you now? You know too much. No.” He scratches his chin. “I could throw you out, to die of cold. But I’m not a monster.”

Kai stifles a derisive snort.

“So you can stay here, and work, until I decide how to make best use of you.” Rinan nods slowly. “Maybe Cerdig will have some ideas of what to do with a Saxon raised by Celts. In the meantime, there’s the matter of your insolence and lies.”

He raises his switch.

~~

The snow falls for days. At least, sleeping in the cowshed, among the huge beasts, Kai is warm, but with his hands bound, and his feet hobbled, there’s no comfortable way to rest. On his side, one arm or the other has to take his weight, and on his back, he’s lying on his hands. He sleeps sitting up.

Every day, one of the Saxons – usually oily Orvin – comes to fetch him, unties the ropes, and sets him to work; from dawn to dusk he spends every minute sweeping floors, clearing snow, milking cows, churning butter, chopping wood, peeling vegetables, melting the ice on the well and bringing water to the longhouse. 

He lives on the scrapings from the table – whatever he can find on the plates before he washes them, in water he has fetched and boiled over a fire he built himself. If he’s lucky, he manages to sneak a cup of milk from the bucket, when he’s milked the cows.

Sometimes he sees Siward or Wilona or Erlene watching from a distance as he works. Rinan must have warned them to keep away. Or perhaps they just don’t want any more to do with him now they know him for a dangerous Celt – their enemy. 

Kai heaves a sigh.

At least now, he knows Rinan is not his uncle. Sometimes Rinan beats him when he’s angry with Siward; sometimes just for fun. He’ll have scars where the switch has cut him, and Kai doesn’t want to think that his real uncle would be so unkind. 

His guards no longer use the name Rinan gave him, calling him only ‘wealh’ or ‘wilisc’ – whatever that might mean. 

He doesn’t bother trying to escape. With no food, no cloak, no knife, no axe or spear, he wouldn’t survive a day alone out in the snow. Anyway, he’s too tired. This is all his own fault. He doesn’t set much store by gods, but it seems like just and deserved punishment for his ingratitude; for running away from home, when he’d so little cause.

~~

One night, the door creaks open, and someone slips into the cowshed.

Kai looks up blearily. By the light of the full moon shafting through the thatch, he recognises Siward. “Oh – you came to see me?” He feels pathetically grateful. 

Siward kneels on the floor beside him. “About time I did! Me Da told us we weren’t to talk to you, but after I caught sight of you today, I had to.”

“Won’t you get into trouble?”

“No one noticed me. I waited till the guard was asleep.” He looks Kai up and down. “Hell’s teeth! You’re skin and bones! Turn around.”

Kai shuffles round.

Siward unties his hands. “I feel terrible about not coming before, but you know what he’s like.”

“I do, now.” Kai rubs his wrists.

Siward hands him a package of fresh bread and cheese. 

“Oh! Thank you!” Kai sets to it. 

“Well, you’re my friend, aren’t you?”

“Even though I’m a Celt?”

Siward’s eyes widen. “It’s true then, is it?”

“I was raised as one, these last –” Kai stops to think – “eight years, or more.”

“What was it like? Were they horrible to you?”

As he chews, Kai thinks about the reason he left home – it seems so long ago. His complaint seems paltry now he’s seen the scars on Siward’s back, and got some of his own, from the same petty tyrant’s switch. 

“No … they weren’t horrible. They treated me as one of them. But still, I ran away. To find my real family.” 

“Well, you found us,” Siward says apologetically. “For all the good it’s done you.”

Kai shakes his head. “I’m not Brett. Your father told me that the young lad came home, and he …”

“What?”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t tell you. He is your father.”

“There’s nothin’ I wouldn’t believe about him.”

Kai shrugs. “Alright then. Rinan says that when young Brett found his way home, he ... killed him.”

Siward shakes his head. “Now that, I don’t believe. Not that he wouldn’t kill a child – he would. But I been talking to the older warriors who remember Uncle Stepan. They all say you’re the spit of him, when he was your age.”

“Is that why he’s treating me like this?” 

“Using someone his enemies think is Uncle Stepan’s son as a slave keeps them cowed. It makes no difference to him, who you really are. All he cares about is his precious succession, and his precious Wilona, and getting in with his precious Cerdig. He prob’ly thinks if she marries one of Cerdig’s kin, she’ll have a son to unite our tribe with his. Then he won’t have to bother with me no more.”

Kai offers Siward a piece of bread. 

“No, you need it more’n me. So … what are they like, the Celts?”

“We ride – you plough. Other than that, they’re no different from you … us.”

“And what do they call you?”

“Well, they don’t call me ‘wilisc’.”

Siward shakes his head. “It means ‘slave.’ But really – you must have a name, other than ‘Bearn’, or ‘Brett’, for that matter.” 

“My name is ‘Kai.’” 

Siward nods, then holds out his hand. “I like it.”

Kai clasps Siward’s hand. “I, too. I’d forgotten how much, until you said it.”

“Well, Kai … do you want to go home?”

Kai’s heart leaps. “More than anything.” 

“Then don’t you fret too much. Just try and keep your head down, and try not to make _him_ mad. As soon as the snow melts, I’m going to get you out of here.”

“But how? I’m guarded day and night.”

“I’ll find a way. But can you find your way home?”

“Get me past the guards. I’ll find my way or die in the attempt.”

~~

“You should’ve seen him, Wilona.” Siward shakes his head. “He’s even thinner than he was before.”

 _“Thinner?”_ She sighs. “Well, what can we do?”

“You’re the one who got him into trouble in the first place, and it’s mostly Orvin guarding him. What do _you_ suggest?”

A slow smile steals across Wilona’s face. 

~~


	17. Chapter 17

The next day, when – as usual – no one’s paying him any mind, Siward takes Kai’s cloak down from its peg, and hangs his own over Kai’s axe instead. He bundles up Kai’s cloak, and hides it in his hut. 

He gets his mam to promise to make up a pack of food to keep Kai going on his journey home. He thought he’d have to plead and cajole, to get her to go along with his and Wilona’s plan, but she agrees at once. 

And then they wait.

Days go by; still the snow piles up, and still they wait.

When he can, Siward takes Kai some extra food; Kai is always pleased to see him.

One day, Siward plucks up the nerve to say out loud what he’s been thinking: “What about when you leave? I won’t ever see you again, will I?”

Kai bites his lip. “I wish I could say that we’ll always be friends, but … I’m a Celt, Siward. Our people are enemies. If you do see me …”

Siward sighs. He knows what Kai’s trying to say. “If we do see each other, we might have to fight. I know. But maybe we won’t always be enemies, eh? Maybe our people will make peace one day.” 

Kai laughs. “You sound like someone else I know.”

~~

At last, the snow stops falling. A few days after that, Siward sees Rinan with a quill and parchment. 

“What’s that you’re writing, Da?”

Rinan looks up sharply. “Never you mind.”

Only matters of great import get written down, so Siward knows what it must be: a message to send to Cerdig – probably including something about Kai.

The next morning, the way out of the village is passable, and Rinan sends a messenger on his way. 

During that day, Siward takes Kai’s axe down from its peg beneath his cloak, and gets everything together, in his hut: the axe, Kai’s cloak and tinder box, food for his journey in a leather sack, waterskins with water from the spring, and – for tonight – two flagons, and enough strong ale to fill them both. 

All day, he’s on tenterhooks, checking over and over again that his mother and Wilona know what they must do. By lunchtime, they’re quite fed up with him, and tell him: “Go away!”

That night, at Erlene’s invitation, everyone in the village comes to the longhouse for a feast to celebrate the thaw. Erlene cooks all Rinan’s favourite winter dishes, and – even before the minstrel’s runt through all the songs he knows – he seems well-pleased, and unusually merry. 

When the festivities are at their height, Siward and Wilona slip away to Siward’s hut, fill the two flagons with ale, and fetch Kai’s things. Then they creep through the village, and along the side of the cowshed where Kai is being held.

They sneak a look around the corner at the guard. It isn’t Orvin, as they’d hoped, but cautious Erian. Siward can just make out Orvin, slouching near the gate.

“Go on then.” Siward gives Wilona a gentle shove.

She ambles out into the light, and approaches Erian. “Cold night.” 

Erian says nothing, and keeps looking straight ahead.

“Don’t you answer when your leader’s daughter speaks to you? I said, ‘cold night.’”

Erian glances quickly at her, then away. “That it is.” 

Wilona saunters round in front of him, winds a strand of hair around her finger, and offers him the flagon of ale.

He grins, and shakes his head. “I’m wise to your tricks, Young Lady!”

“Oh, come on!” Wilona looks at him sidelong. “Everyone else is celebrating! You don’t want to be left out, do you?”

Erian laughs. “Oh, alright then.” He takes the flagon, and sniffs it. “This is the good stuff alright. But don’t think you’ll get me to –” 

He crumples quietly to the ground. Siward drags him into the shed, then quickly takes his place, so that if Orvin looks this way, he won’t see the shed unguarded. 

“Orvin next. You’d better hurry – Erian won’t be out for long.”

“What about Mam?”

Siward point to a shadow making its way towards the gate.

Wilona nods, and makes her way to where Orvin is leaning by the gate.

She pokes the snoozing guard. “Asleep on duty?”

Orvin jerks to attention. “Who goes there?” When he sees who it is, he leers. “Oh, hello Darlin’!”

She offers him the flagon of ale.

“Well, that’s a fine greeting for a cold night! And I was beginning to think you didn’t like me.”

“Oh, I like you alright.” She trails a finger down his cheek. 

This time, it’s Erlene who creeps up, and hits him on the head.

Wilona lowers Orvin to the ground, and gives a low whistle. Siward slips into the cowshed; soon after, he and Kai emerge. 

Kai looks regretfully at the sentries, laid out cold, and then at Siward. “Rinan will take you apart.”

Wilona shakes her head. “He won’t. I’ll say I did it.”

“On your own?”

“Orvin’s been after me for weeks. I’ll say he helped me.”

“But –” Kai points at Orvin, lying on the ground. 

“I’ll say you did that!”

Kai laughs. “Of course! But what if Cerdig finds out you helped a Celt escape?”

“How’s he going to find out?”

“Our Dad’ll tell him,” Siward says.

“He wouldn’t!”

Erlene nods. “He might, you know.”

For a moment, Wilona looks disconcerted. “Well, at least then, Cerdig won’t want me marrying his nephew.” She tosses her hair. “Don’t you worry about me! I’ll have Da wrapped round my little finger before you know it. He won’t tell.”

~~

Rinan wipes up the last of his gravy with a hunk of bread, and finishes it off, then wipes a hand across his mouth. Well, that was very nice – his favourite! And plenty of it, even with the crowd they had in the longhouse tonight. Perhaps he ought to compliment Erlene on her efforts. After all, it’s not often she does something right. 

“Erlene?”

No answer. Suddenly, it seems very quiet in here. 

“Erlene! Bring me some ale!” 

No one comes running to serve him. The men are all slumped over the tables, or lying on the floor. Their wives – apart from one who’s flirting with the minstrel – sit talking quietly in groups. 

“Have any of you seen my wife?”

They shake their heads.

He frowns, and glances round. “Wilona? … Siward?”

Perhaps they’ve gone to bed. He gets up and checks his and Erlene’s bedroom. No one in there. He tries Wilona’s room; that’s empty too.

Rinan pulls on his cloak and looks outside the longhouse; all seems quiet. 

Too quiet.

This needs to be investigated. Something’s going on.

~~

Kai is happy to have his cloak back; even happier when Siward shoves his axe into his hand. 

Erlene gives him a leather bag, and pats him on the back. “That should keep you going, Pet.”

He looks at the food packed for his journey – four times what he took with him when he set out from home. He fastens the cloak, and slings the bag over his shoulder.

“Thank you ...” He dips his head – “My Aunt.”

She gives a sad smile, and nods.

Siward pushes the gate open enough for him to leave, and Kai prepares to make his last farewells. Erlene is shivering with cold, so he shakes her hand first.

She pulls him into a hug. “Goodbye, Brett. I know we won’t see each other again, but I hope you find what you’re seeking.” Then she turns and – without looking back – heads for the longhouse.

But when she’s almost there, a short, stout figure appears in the doorway, and demands, “Where have you been?” He grabs her by the arm. 

“That’s me Da!” Siward hisses. He shoves Kai through the gate. “Quick – get going!” 

“What’s going on out there?” Rinan calls out. “Who’s at the gate?”

“It’s just us, Da!” Wilona shouts back. 

Kai looks Siward in the eye. “Thank you.”

“Run!” 

Siward shuts the gate, and Kai hears the wooden bar slam down, and then the sound of rapidly approaching feet.

“Have you just had that gate open?” Rinan demands. “Hey! Where’s the guard?”

“Haven’t seen him,” Wilona says. “Have you, Siward?”

“I know a rat when I smell one. Siward! You tell me what’s going on, or I’ll flay the hide off your back and use it to clean my boots!”

Kai has half a mind to stay, and take the blame, rather than get the others into more strife.

“Nothing’s going on, Da. We just … went for a walk.”

Kai hears someone stumble.

“Then why’s my sentry lying on the ground? Orvin? On your feet! Get up!” 

“Perhaps he’s drunk,” Wilona says. “Look, there’s his flagon.”

“Oh, this is daft,” Siward says. “I opened the gate, and let Bearn go, Da. I don’t care what you do to me. He’d done us no harm.”

Kai hears a crunch, and Siward yelps. Rinan must have broken Siward’s nose. 

Wilona shouts, “Leave him, Da!” and then Kai hears them scuffling; Rinan makes a gurgling sound, and there’s a thump, like a sack of grain hitting the ground. 

Wilona squeals. 

Siward’s voice, pained and nasal, says: “Mam! What have you done?”

“What I should have done years ago.”

Kai raps on the gate. “What’s going on?”

“Go!” Wilona yells. “Just go, why don’t you? Haven’t you caused enough trouble?” 

“It’s not his fault, Wilona.” 

Siward opens the gate, and Kai can see Erlene, a light of triumph in her eyes, a bloodstained kitchen knife clutched in her hand.

“Is your father –?”

Siward shakes his head. “Not yet. But he soon will be.”

“Is that Bearn there?” Rinan splutters through the blood rising in his throat. He gestures at Siward. “Why couldn’t you be more like him?” Then his head falls back onto the ground.

Siward looks as if he might be sick. 

Kai shakes his head. “I’m so sorry.”

“We’ll be alright.”

“Don’t let Erlene take the blame. Tell them it was me who killed Rinan.”

“No!” Erlene takes a step forward. “I’m proud of what I’ve done. So many years, he’s terrorised us all. Now he won’t hurt us any more.” 

Siward puts an arm around her shaking shoulders. “Yeah, alright Mam … alright.” He turns to Kai. “Don’t worry – we’ll sort something out. But you’d better go, before all hell breaks loose.” He reaches out to clasp hands with Kai. “I hope you get back home.”

“Thanks – for everything.”

“Go!” Siward smirks. “Anyone’d think you liked it here!”

Kai laughs, punches him on the arm, and sets out on his way.

The gate swings shut behind him.

~~


	18. Chapter 18

Kai travels for two days, through dripping woods, coming alive with birdsong as the thaw takes hold. Sometimes he hears a sliding, grating sound, then the crash as a heap of melting snow slips off a bank or an escarpment. Sometimes he finds a rabbit or some other creature dead of cold: their corpse, a frozen secret that the thaw reveals. 

He keeps going. He isn’t going to die … and he isn’t going to let secrets lie hidden in the ice. He has to talk to Arthur.

By the morning of the third day, Kai starts to recognise a bend in the river here – a fallen tree there. His pulse quickens. 

Now he’s almost home, he can’t imagine how he ever got so lost.

What if he finds that something terrible has happened in his absence? The village burned; Llud or Arthur dead … He can’t wait to see them; still, he is afraid. Feet shod with lead, he starts to run. 

Before long, he sees the ivy-covered entrance to the hideout. He runs, stumbling, towards the sound of Arthur’s voice. It set bells chiming in his heart – but why is Arthur talking to himself? Perhaps he has gone mad. Perhaps he’s trying to speak to Kai.

Kai scrambles down the bank and through the entrance, scattering ground, and little rocks before him.

“Who’s that?” demands a voice that isn’t Arthur’s.

Arthur is on his feet; he looks as if he’s seen a ghost. Kai is amazed to see one of the other village boys – their loyal but annoying shadow, Gavyn – trying to get his knife out of its sheath.

Arthur puts a familiar hand on Gavyn’s arm to stop him. That’s when Kai sees that Arthur and Gavyn have a little fire; that they were playing jacks. 

“What’s he –?” Kai realises he no longer has the right to ask what Gavyn’s doing here, so he just stands and stares. A heavy silence falls.

“Kai …” Arthur says at last. 

“Hello Arthur … Gavyn.” 

“Oh … er …” Gavyn quails. “Shall I … um … go and tell the village that you’re back?”

“Yes, you do that.” Kai fixes Gavyn with a stony glare.

Arthur murmurs, “Tell Llud we’ll be back presently.”

Gavyn makes himself scarce.

“So …” Kai tries to think of something else to say, but what comes out is – “you’re friends with Gavyn now.”

Arthur bites his lip. “Sort-of.” He gives Kai a defiant stare. “Well, what was I supposed to do?”

“Oh … I don’t know.” Kai scuffs his foot in the dirt. “Come after me?”

“You think we didn’t? We searched for days and days. Poor Llud –”

“Is he alright?”

 ** _“Alright?”_** Arthur’s face reddens. “No, he’s not alright! Of course he’s not! You’ve added ten years to his life. Where have you been?”

“Oh … around.” In the three days he’s been walking, Kai has been so intent on getting home, he hasn’t thought about what, or how much to tell Arthur. “Bit of an adventure.”

_“An adventure?”_

“Well … not the Jason and the Golden Fleece kind. More like –”

“Did you find your family?”

“I think so.”

_“You think so?”_

“I’m still not really sure.”

“So this was all a waste of time?”

Kai drops his gaze. “You know why I had to leave. I had to try –”

“Well, you’re home now.” Arthur pulls his tunic straight. His lower lip trembles. “Are you going to stay?”

“Do you want me to?” 

Arthur’s eyes blaze. He takes a step towards Kai, and hits him in the face.

Kai rocks back, and while he’s still clutching his nose, Arthur grips him in a hug so tight it knocks the breath out of him.

“You left me!”

Kai’s knees go weak; he stands still a moment, feeling the dark comforting wings fold around him; feeling relief and love surge through him. Then he grips Arthur just as tight. “I missed you, Little Brother.” 

Kai doesn’t know how long they stay like that. Not long enough. After a while, Arthur lifts his tear-streaked face from Kai’s shoulder, and takes a breath that’s half sob, half hiccup. 

Kai pats him on the back then holds him away. Arthur can nearly look him in the eye. “You’ve grown.” 

“Or you’ve shrunk!” Arthur wipes his eyes.

Kai realises he needs to do the same. “Look at us!”

Arthur sniffs. “I know.” He punches Kai on the arm. “Come on … let’s not keep Llud waiting any longer.”

 

~~

Once outside the hideout, Arthur takes a deep breath of air, and sets off briskly, not looking back at Kai. His heart is hammering so hard; his fists are clenched; his face feels warm, and that hug has made him feel … But now Kai’s back, and looking so grown-up, he’s sure to be going off with Neb and that lot even more. He’s not going to have much time for Arthur. 

“Hey! Wait for me!” Kai tugs on his sleeve. “What’s all the rush?”

He tries to shrug Kai off, but Kai comes up beside him, and pulls him close. It’s too much. Arthur has to close his eyes. He pushes closer still into Kai’s side, and grabs him with both arms around his waist.

Kai tentatively strokes his hair. “There … that’s better.”

Arthur stills for a moment, exactly where he needs and wants to be, then he pushes Kai away, and sets off at a run. “Come on! I’ll race you!”

Kai laughs and chases after him.

~~

Kai stands in the doorway.

Llud gets to his feet, and stares. His hair now has more than a hint of grey, and he looks somehow smaller than when Kai saw him last. Kai can’t read his expression. He walks nervously up to Llud.

At last, his father’s face cracks open in a grin, and Kai has the wind knocked out of him again, as Llud grips him in a bear hug. Kai pats him on the back, then Llud releases him, and cuffs him on the cheek. 

“You fool! Where have you been?” Llud’s eyes are wet with tears he doesn’t try to hide. 

“Llud … Father … I’m sorry I ran away and caused you so much pain and heartache. I’m an ungrateful wretch. If you want to give me another beating for it, I won’t complain, or run away again.” 

Llud nods slowly. He walks over to the hanging closet, takes out the hated strap, and looks down at it as he runs it through his fingers. “Perhaps I ought to give you a leathering for causing so much trouble – but you’ve already had one beating you weren’t owed.” He glances at Kai’s face, then grins and casts the strap into the fire. “I’ve no more use for that in this longhouse.” 

Kai stares at the leather as it burns and shrivels.

“And anyway, you’ll soon be big enough to stop me!”

Kai’s about to say he wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing, when Gavyn’s mother comes in, bearing a pot of something that smells just delicious.

“Now, come and sit down, and have a bite to eat.” Llud throws an arm over Kai’s shoulders. “You look half-starved!”

As Kai sits at the table – and looks at the familiar marks and gouges he and Arthur and Llud have left on it – like the marks they have left upon each other’s hearts – he fills up with so many feelings he doesn’t know what to say or do. So he tucks into the stew. He’s home.

~~


	19. Chapter 19

As they set to work on their steaming plates of stew, Arthur notices that Llud keeps glancing across at Kai, as if he can’t believe it; as if to make quite sure that Kai’s still here. Not that Arthur can blame him; he’s doing the same thing. 

When Kai has time, between mouthfuls, to notice their attention, he gives Arthur a guilty look, then clears his throat. “Er … Llud. Don’t you want to know where I’ve been?”

Llud shakes his head. “What matters is – you’re back. Where you’ve been can wait until you’re rested. For now, just eat!”

Kai nods gratefully, and does as he’s told. 

But Gavyn must have spread the word of Kai’s return, because – one by one – a few of the villagers come and knock at the door on some pretext, hoping to see whether the rumour’s true: their Saxon cuckoo has come home. 

After the third curious visitor peers in, Llud says, “Any more, and I’ll start charging an entrance fee!” 

It’s not especially funny, but Arthur laughs anyway, and once he starts, it’s as if a dam has burst inside him; he can’t stop. Then something goes down the wrong way. He starts choking, and Llud has to slap him on the back.

Arthur’s barely recovered when Kai, nudging him in the ribs, and quirking an eyebrow, nearly sets him off again. He presses his lips together, and stares at his plate, trying to keep control.

Llud shakes his head at the pair of them. “I’ll leave you two lunatics to get on with it! Someone has to check the sentries.” He pulls on his cloak, but stops in the open doorway. “Oh! Neb, it’s you. Yes, Kai’s home.”

“Can I see him?”

That brings Arthur back down to earth. Do Kai’s older friends have to take Kai away from him so soon?

As if he’s read Arthur’s mind, Llud stands blocking the doorway and tells Neb – “Longhouse admittance, two pieces of silver.”

“Wha –?”

“Go on with you. He’s only just got back. You’ll see him soon enough.”

“So long as he’s alright.”

“Same as ever – just more annoying!” Llud turns and winks at Kai, then goes out, firmly shutting the door behind him.

Arthur breathes a sigh. But now they’re alone at last, he can’t seem to think of anything to say. He has so many questions – he doesn’t know where to start.

Kai seems equally at a loss. He gets up, walks restlessly about, pokes around in the closet, tugs at something, and pulls it out. “This yours?”

Arthur groans inwardly. “Yes – it’s new.”

“Hmph.” 

Kai fondles the blue shirt Arthur acquired last week. “Where did you get it?”

“Um … Gavyn’s mother made it for me.”

Kai purses his lips. “I suppose Gavyn has a matching one.”

Arthur snorts. “Well, she had some cloth left over …” Somehow managing to keep a straight face, he adds, “Perhaps she’ll make one for you, too.”

Kai regards Arthur through narrowed eyes. “No, thanks.” 

He continues his perambulation, picking up pots, goblets, knives, belts – anything he finds – as if checking everything is where it was before, and as it should be. He even peers into the bedroom.

“Kai, what on earth are you looking for now?”

“My bed –”

“It’s still there! Where were you expecting it to be?”

“You might have given it to Gavyn.” Kai sneaks a sidelong look at him.

Arthur splutters. “Of course not!” It would be funny if Kai weren’t so serious.

“You seemed pretty cosy in _our_ hideout.”

“Oh, come on, Kai! That’s not fair. Don’t tell me you didn’t make any friends while you were gone?”

Kai lifts his chin. “Not one.” He looks away. “Well, there was my cousin – at least, I think he was my cousin.” 

“Your Saxon cousin …” Arthur traces the letter ‘K’ he carved into the table when Kai first left home. He’s run his finger over that mark so many times while Kai’s been … making friends with this Saxon cousin of his. “What was his name?”

“Siward.”

“Siward …” Arthur repeats his rival’s name. “What was he like?”

Kai shrugs. “A boy, like any other. His father was cruel to him … to everyone. But the bastard’s dead now.” Kai smiles grimly. 

Arthur gasps. “You killed Siward’s father? Your uncle?” 

Neither of them has killed another man before. 

“No … not I.” Kai looks pensive. Then he shakes his head. “Anyway, Siward helped me to escape.”

Arthur considers a moment, then looks up, flicking hair out of his eyes. “Well, it seems we owe a debt of gratitude to this Saxon boy for helping you.” The thought trickles like poison through his mind. “I wonder what _he_ owes _you?_ ”

Kai frowns. “What do you mean?”

“What did you have to offer, in return for his help?”

“I offered nothing.” 

“No information about where you lived?”

A look of disbelief crosses Kai’s face. “How could I tell him what I hardly knew, myself?”

“You said nothing about our village?” 

“Nothing!” Kai slams his fist down on the table. “What do you take me for?” 

“And nothing about me?” 

“Nothing at all.” Kai stares at him. 

Arthur stares back. His name hasn’t passed Kai’s lips in many days. Perhaps Kai didn’t even think about him while he was away. 

Kai’s mouth works with things he wants to say, but can’t, or dare not, then he aims a hefty kick at the table leg. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone might want to help me?” 

“No. I didn’t mean –”

But Kai stomps into the bedroom, and shuts the door. 

Arthur gets to his feet, meaning to follow him, but at that moment Llud returns, shaking drops of water from his cloak. Noticing Arthur’s agitation, he glances anxiously around. “Where’s Kai gone now?”

“It’s alright.” Arthur slumps back into his seat. “He’s just gone to bed.”

Llud sighs. “Have you two had a fight – already?”

Arthur huffs out a breath.

“Well, have you?” Llud insists.

“I was only doing what you would have done,” Arthur mutters.

“And what was that?”

He drops his gaze. “I asked Kai whether he might have …” his voice drops to a mumble: “– given away the location of our village.”

“Given it away? Who to?”

“The Saxons,” Arthur says quietly.

_“The Saxons?”_ Llud rolls his eyes. “You fool. Of course he didn’t. Let me go and sort this out.”

~~

Kai is lying face-down on his bed. He doesn’t move a muscle when he hears the door creak open. Arthur can say his piece to the back of his head, for all Kai cares. 

But it’s Llud who sits down beside him. Kai looks up. 

“Don’t be too hard on him, Kai.”

_“Me?”_ Kai snorts. “Hard on _him?_ ”

“Yes, you!” Llud ruffles Kai’s hair. “Sometimes Arthur takes his lessons too much to heart.”

“He thought I’d betrayed you!”

“No, he didn’t Kai. He just … well, he’s been like a bear after a week on the mead since you went on your travels.”

Kai sniffs. “He missed me then?”

“Of course he did.”

Kai’s anger starts to wane. “He’s got a funny way of showing it.”

“Well, take my word for it. The weight of the world’s about to drop onto his shoulders, and he thought there’d be no one by his side to help him bear it. He missed you alright – more than you’ll ever know. We all did, you idiot.” He cuffs Kai gently.

Kai nods, and swallows around the lump in his throat. 

Llud walks over to his own bed, and sits down, leaning forward, with his elbows on his knees. “So … what’s all this about the Saxons, eh? Was that where you went?”

“Yes, it was. I don’t know why …”

Llud sighs. “Perhaps, after all, it was wrong of me to raise you as a Celt – away from your own people.”

Kai pushes himself up on his elbows. “No, Llud. You did right.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve seen how things were in my home village. I’ve had a better life here than I could ever have wanted or deserved. You have been a true father to me. I don’t think I’d be here to tell the tale, if you’d left me behind.”

Llud nods soberly, then smiles. “Thank you, Kai. I’m glad. I couldn’t wish for better sons than you and Arthur.” He stifles a yawn. “Well, enough of that nonsense. Goodnight, Kai.” 

He lies down, and pulls the blankets over him, and soon he is asleep.

Kai lies in his own bed, listening to Llud snore. It’s the most comforting sound in the world. Kai fully intends to go out into the main room and talk to Arthur; make it up with him. He means to tell him so many things. In a moment. But he’s so tired. Before he knows it, he, too, falls asleep.

~~


	20. Chapter 20

Arthur waits for either Llud or Kai to emerge from the bedroom – but neither of them does. A bit at a loss, he opens the Bible, lent to him by Abbot Morpeth, at a random page. But it’s not a very interesting bit; it just goes on and on about who begat whom, and if ‘begat’ means what Arthur thinks it does, it’s not something he much cares for. 

He stares at the door. Still, no one comes out. At last, he goes to the latrine, and then into the bedroom, where he finds both Kai and Llud sound asleep and snoring. 

Arthur heaves a loud sigh, but neither of them wakes, so he, too, lies down in his bed. 

But he can’t sleep. After what seems like hours spent staring at the rafters, trying to think of what he’s going to say to Kai, he gets up, pads quietly across the floor, and sits on the edge of Kai’s bed. 

He gazes down on the face he’s missed so much: Kai’s full lips, slack in slumber; his hair, flopping over his eyes; his long blond lashes …

Kai stirs. 

Arthur holds his breath. He should leave Kai to get his rest – obviously much-needed after his adventures.

Kai opens his eyes, and smiles. “Hello.”

“I’m sorry, Kai. I didn’t really believe … I mean –”

Kai puts a hand on Arthur’s arm. “No, it was my fault. I take offence too easily.”

“It’s just that Llud’s been talking to me more about my responsibilities when I’m leader, and I … well, I suppose I let myself get carried away.”

Kai reaches up to touch Arthur’s cheek, and it’s all Arthur can do not to press his face into Kai’s palm.

“Forget it, Little Brother.”

Arthur feels relief and love surge through him. On impulse, he says, “While you were away, I dreamed –” But then a tightness in his throat stops him from saying any more.

“What did you dream?”

Arthur feels his face redden. “Um …”

Kai blinks slowly. “I dreamed about you, too.”

“Oh?” Arthur’s heart expands with hope.

Then Llud gives one almighty snort, and rolls over onto his side, so that he’s facing towards them.

Kai puts a finger to his lips, and says softly, “Go back to bed, Arthur. Tomorrow, we’ll talk.”

Arthur nods. “Tomorrow …”

This time he has no trouble getting to sleep.

~~

But in the morning there’s no time for talking. It seems Llud just can’t wait to start the new day, waking them even before cock crow, and hustling them out of bed to do their chores.

“Can’t Kai have the day off?” Arthur protests. “He’s only just got back.”

“He’s had plenty of time off already! Best get back in the swing of things, eh?” 

Kai nods. “It’s alright Arthur – I’ll muck out the stables. I want to say ‘hello’ to my horse, anyway.”

“Good Lad!” Llud slaps him on the back, and they all go about their tasks.

When they’re done, Kai and Arthur have only just sat down to start on their porridge, when Kai hears someone tramping up the longhouse steps, and plonking themselves loudly on the bench outside. 

Kai glances questioningly at Arthur, but Arthur is staring studiously at his bowl, so Kai goes to the door, and opens it a crack. He sees Gavyn sitting there. He shuts the door again. 

He sighs.

Arthur looks up. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing!”

“Was someone there?”

“No. No one.”

Arthur continues staring at his bowl. “Funny – because Gavyn’s usually here waiting for me by now.” His lips quirk slightly.

Kai puffs out his cheeks. “Oh, alright – it was Gavyn.”

Arthur looks up and says seriously, “I felt the same way, when he first tagged along with me after you left. But he doesn’t mean any harm, Kai.”

Kai shrugs his shoulders up around his ears. “I know. But I thought, when I got home, it would be the same as before. That it would just be the two of us, like always.”

“Just the two of us, and Neb, and Cynbal –” Arthur ticks off the names on his fingers – “and Amren and Evin and –”

“Oh.” Kai frowns. “I didn’t realise …”

“It’s alright, Kai. But I can’t just be with you – and you alone – all the time, either. When I’m in charge, all kinds of people will make demands upon my time.”

“Of course. I understand.”

“But for today, I’ll tell Gavyn I’m busy.” Arthur smiles. “We can go somewhere, just the two of us.”

“Don’t worry – I’ll be fine!”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Don’t be like that! Gavyn can find something else to do. I’ll tell him. In a little while.”

“Alright.” Kai tries to hide a smile.

As they’re scraping the last morsels from their bowls, Kai asks, “So … anything happen while I was away?”

Arthur nods. “Plenty. Just after you left, there was a raid. Glen and Geraint got together, and came down on us, in force.”

“What? Those two?”

“Hard to believe, isn’t it? Just our luck.”

“You fought them off? No trouble?”

“We fought them off alright.” Arthur grimaces. “But we lost Owen and Renfrew. Then not long after that, the snows came and …” 

But Kai isn’t listening, because he has remembered: Owen was Gavyn’s father. The poor boy has lost a parent. All three of them know what that’s like.

Arthur snaps his fingers in front of Kai’s face. “Hello?”

“Oh!”

“Ready to go?” 

Kai nods, then slaps Arthur on the back. “Ready!” 

They find Gavyn still waiting, patient and forlorn – as if he already knows Arthur won’t need his company any more. He looks like a dog who’s expecting to be kicked.

That settles it.

Before Arthur can say a word, Kai sits down next to Gavyn, and nudges him in the ribs. “Come on, Gavyn! Ready for a trip to the river?”

Gavyn’s face lights up. Arthur’s eyes briefly widen in surprise, then he treats Kai to a brilliant smile, and they set off.

Llud appears from the woodshed, and smiles, watching them go.

~~

“Goodnight, you two. Don’t stay up too long!” 

Llud closes the bedroom door behind him, leaving them alone at last, sitting either side of the longhouse table.

Kai toys with his mug of weak ale. “Gavyn’s not a bad sort.” 

“He’s alright.”

A silence stretches. 

Feeling Arthur’s eyes upon him, Kai looks up and smiles slightly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You know why.” Arthur blushes deep scarlet. “I’ve dreamed of this – having you back.”

“And I, of being here.”

“And then I almost gave up hoping.”

“I too.” 

Arthur reaches a hand across the table.

Kai clasps it, and gives it a squeeze. “You’re very warm.”

“Am I?” Arthur stares at their hands, then takes a deep breath. “Kai … can I ask you something?”

“Of course – anything. Go on.”

“What do you think our lives will be like? I mean, when we grow up?”

Kai raises his eyebrows. “I don’t know … harder, I suppose. More exciting. More dangerous.”

“But we’ll still have each other, won’t we?”

Though they both know too well that danger and excitement hold death by either hand, Kai says, “Of course.”

Arthur grips Kai’s hand more tightly. “Kai, I don’t want our lives to ever change. Not really.”

“Why should they?”

Arthur bites his lip. “Oh … I don’t know. You might go away again.”

“I won’t.” Kai looks Arthur in the eye, trying to make him believe. 

Very quietly, Arthur says, “Well, one day … you’ll get married.”

Kai takes a sharp breath. Now’s the time to ask – “Won’t you, Arthur?”

Arthur shakes his head firmly. “Never.”

“Really, Arthur? Never?”

“Never.” Arthur drops his gaze, and says quickly, “I don’t want anything to do with all that ‘begatting’ nonsense.”

Kai smirks. “You’ll change your mind.”

“I won’t. I’ll never marry any … woman.”

Kai feels a strange calm descend upon him. “Then I won’t either.”

Arthur looks up. “But Kai … you want to, don’t you?”

Kai shrugs. “Married men are always complaining that women try to change them. Come between them and their friends. But there is something between you and me that means more to me than anything. I won’t let anyone else get in the way.” 

Arthur’s mouth opens in surprise. “You mean it?”

Kai nods. “I do. And I decided, on the way back from the Saxon village, that I would tell you so.”

“But you don’t want a family?”

“You and Llud are all the family I need.”

“Then we’ll be just Arthur and Kai, together, for always?” 

“Kai and Arthur.” Kai smiles warmly.

Arthur gets to his feet. His face is wide open; his eyes shine. 

Kai gets up and walks slowly around the table, to stand face to face with Arthur.

Arthur looks him in the eye. “Never leave me again.”

“I swear it.”

They stand, holding each other loosely, hands entwined. Their lips meet softly, as they step into the unknown, together. 

~~

Fin


End file.
